urge to tug the bow tie. It had actually been Dre’s suggestion. I’d gone with Tamal to find his suit and had tried a few on myself, just for fun since I had plenty of suits. I’d taken pictures of them in the fitting room and had sent them to Dre. When he’d seen the picture of me in this dark blue plaid suit with the bow tie, he’d gone a bit bananas for it and told me I absolutely had to wear it. It felt a little too daring for me, though.
I couldn’t explain any of that to my mother, however. I wasn’t sure how she would have reacted to my taking fashion advice from the guy who regularly wore outfits on TV that my mother referred to as “shameful.”
“It was an impulsive decision,” I said. “I’m still not certain about it. But Nora has been telling me I need to step outside my comfort zone so that my peers will find me more relatable.”
My mother’s pinched-lipped, squinty-eyed appraisal of me made my skin itch. “I’m not sure this is what Nora meant. I can ask Kiersten for some suggestions. She has the best taste in men’s clothes.” Kiersten was my mother’s stylist, and the one who’d picked out the socks that Dre had mentioned liking at the debate.
“You can ask,” I said. “It’s not a big deal, though. It’s only a dance, and it’s tomorrow night, so it’s a little late for a costume change.”
“She’ll be over shortly to help me pack for South Carolina.” My mother paused in a way that told me she still had more to say. “But, Dean? When it comes to you, I don’t care about any poll. What is it you kids say? You do you?”
“Oh, Mom. Please don’t.”
“All I’m saying is that I want you to be yourself, no matter who that is.”
This was the thing that made people love her. It was why I loved her. Because she was absolutely sincere. There was nothing I could wear, nothing I could become, nothing I could do that would make my mother stop supporting me and loving me. She might not have agreed with all my decisions, but she would never stop loving me for them.
“Is it all right if I haven’t figured out who I am yet?”
My mother laughed. “I’d be a little worried if you thought you had it all figured out by seventeen. But that’s why it’s important to follow the path we’ve discussed. I want to help you avoid making the same kinds of mistakes I made when I was your age.”
The path. The one that would guide me through high school so that I could get into the right college. The one that would lead me to law school and a career in politics like my mother. The one that saw me married by twenty-five and president by forty-five.
“What happens if I don’t follow that path?”
My mother’s smile turned a little wistful. “You can be anyone you want, and I believe you can do anything you set your mind to doing, Dean. There’s no need to worry.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
My mother stood and yawned, letting her guard down around me. “Well, I had better get moving.” She stopped at the door and turned back. “Who were the pictures for?”
“What?”
She motioned at my pocket. “You were taking a selfie when I came in.”
I tried not to cringe when my mother said “selfie.” She’d actually become a meme at one point, a milestone that she was ridiculously proud of for some reason. I touched my phone through my pocket. “Astrid,” I said. “She’s helping me decide whether to wear this suit or not.”
“Just be careful about the kinds of pictures you send your friends.”
“I know,” I said. “Never send anyone or post anything online that I wouldn’t be comfortable sending to Nana. I won’t.”
My mother smiled again. “You’re a good boy, Dean. Stick to the path, and you’ll be fine.”
Dre
DEAN WAS STANDING in front of a floor-length mirror in his bedroom, wearing the plaid suit that I’d picked out for him. Okay, I hadn’t picked it out so much as seen a picture of it that he’d sent me from the dressing room and then bullied and browbeat him into buying it. All that mattered was that he was wearing it. The smile he’d thrown on as an accessory was a bonus. I don’t think I’d ever seen him wearing such an unguarded smile before. Not in any of the pictures