my head moved up and down, taking him all the way.
“Oh, fuck,” he whispered. “So good.”
He actually lasted longer than I thought he would, and I savored every second, taking peeks up to see him either with his eyes shut in concentration or watching me like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. And it was with that last look, our eyes catching, that I felt him tense and saw his jaw lock as he grunted.
“I’m coming.”
I didn’t pull away, and when he was done pulsing I slowly pulled up, taking every drop and swallowing. He stared at me, breathing hard, his eyes soft, his hands gently working the back of my head.
“You’re so amazing,” he said.
I crawled back up and lay in the crook of my arm as he held me against his side and we both caught our breath. He kissed my forehead and his fingers trailed my arm. I finally got to rub my hand up and down the short hair at the back of his head, feeling the tiny, soft prickles. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt satisfied. I felt happy.
I took Shawn to the airport early the next morning and went in with him for coffee. I stayed with him until his flight boarded, wanting to spend every second I could just touching him, holding hands, watching him smile. Because the fact was, even if the arrangements of his breakup went smoothly, he was moving to Japan next month. I had no idea when I’d see him again or how quickly it would take for things to fall into place with our relationship. Would he ask me to move there next month? Next year?
I really needed to talk to my parents and give them a heads-up. They were going to freak out.
I got teary-eyed when it was time for him to leave. I wasn’t expecting that. We must have kissed a hundred times, and he was literally the very last person to board. He glanced back just before he stepped on the jetway and gave me a nod. I nodded back, my fingers pressed to my lips. Although I’d never been happier, I’d also never been more nervous.
When I got back to the apartment I was shocked to find myself there alone. That never happened. I decided to give the bathroom and kitchen a good, deep clean. I’d just finished scrubbing the toilet and washing my hands when my phone rang. It was a North Carolina area code, same as Shawn’s. He wouldn’t be back yet, though. Probably a telemarketer, but I answered out of curiosity.
“Hello?”
“Who is this?” asked a female voice.
I froze where I was in the bathroom, my heart pounding and stomach turning.
“You called me,” I pointed out.
She was quiet, and I knew, I knew, this was Natalie.
“Was he with you last night?”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Women always found out. They always knew. I pinched the bridge of my nose. I should have anticipated this, should have mentally prepared myself.
“You listen to me,” she whispered, sounding like she was speaking through clenched teeth. “You fucking whore. Stay away from my husband.”
Her words rang through me like a bell reverberating over and over and over.
“He’s not your husband,” I barely croaked out.
“We’re as good as married,” she said. “And his son, our son, was brokenhearted when he didn’t get to see his daddy last night like he was promised. So, you stay the fuck away. Do you hear me?”
Oh, my God. God, please. We’re as good as married. No, no, no.
“But you guys broke up.”
“We never broke up. We’re working things out, so back off.”
I swallowed hard; my whole body trembled. I had no response. Was she lying? She had to be. Shawn wouldn’t have lied. My throat had closed up. And it didn’t matter anyway because she hung up on me. I stood there stuck between gasping and choking, stooping against the sink. The sink Shawn had fixed yesterday.
I don’t remember walking to the couch, but I was suddenly sitting on the edge, staring at my phone. I had to warn Shawn. I pulled up our text thread.
Call me as soon as you land. She called me.
It was over between them. He said it was over.
I spent the next hour pacing, my hands wrapped around my middle, trying not to throw up. He would land at ten AM. That time came and went. Hours passed. It was mid-day. Then it was early evening. Holly came home. I