boots in my small roller.
I cranked my old Honda to life and blew on my hands, rubbing them together before taking the steering wheel. Out on the roads, the taxis were as plentiful and reckless as ever. I’d learned to be an aggressive driver in my short time in Jersey. Timidity would get you killed on these roads. Holly and Cheryl held their oh-shit handles and didn’t bat an eye as the other cars and I took turns getting too close and narrowly cutting one another off.
“Tell us about this engaged officer,” Holly said.
My stomach jumped at the thought of Shawn. They let me babble as I gave them the full, somewhat abbreviated story. Next thing I knew I was parallel parking, like a champ I might add, and I had literally talked about him the entire ride home. Whoops.
“If it were me,” said Holly, “I’d go after him if I felt like we had a real connection. But I understand why you don’t want to.”
“Believe me,” I said. “I want to, but if I break them up I feel like our relationship would be tainted. It would have to be his decision. I’m never going to contact him. He knows my full name and where I work so if he wants to find me someday, I’m sure he can.”
Cheryl made a thoughtful sounding hum, and we turned to look at her pondering in the back seat. She was one of those people whose opinion I respected, so I awaited her response nervously.
“If he’s a man of honor, which it sounds like he is, he most likely won’t ever leave her. She would have to leave him.”
I wilted and had to look away from her serious eyes.
“I’m sorry, honey,” Cheryl said. “Men like that will sometimes cheat when things are really bad in their relationship, but it’s their way to force the woman they’re with to decide for them, rather than outright leaving.”
“I don’t want him to cheat,” I said.
Holly shook her head. “If he’s a so-called man of honor then he won’t cheat. That doesn’t make sense.”
“It’s a conundrum,” Cheryl said. “It’s like they are loyal to the relationship itself rather than the person. It’s usually the woman who has to end it. Happy or not, those kinds of men will often just tough it out, especially if there are kids involved.”
“And be miserable for life?” I asked, feeling ill.
“They just cling to the good moments,” Cheryl said.
Holly reached for her door handle. “You missed your calling as a psychologist. Watch for the pile over here.”
Holly headed inside, walking the narrow strip of sidewalk that had been shoveled. Our street was eerily quiet. Usually at this time, early evening, there were people going in and out of the laundromat and random shops that lined the Jersey City street. Beneath our apartment, on the end, was a Latin dance club that was hopping every Thursday through Saturday, but it was Sunday, so all was quiet.
Cheryl reached up and squeezed my shoulder. “I know it’s disappointing. It sounds like he’s one of your soul mates by the way you connected. But there will be others. In the end, you have to listen to your intuition and make decisions you can live with.” She gave my shoulder one last squeeze. “I’ll spritz your pillow with lavender tonight, ‘kay?”
“’Kay, thanks.” I sat there a second after she’d gone out. I wished she hadn’t mentioned the phrase “soul mate.” I’d never believed in that sort of crap, but the connection I felt while talking to Shawn had definitely made that stupid phrase cross my mind. It felt like more than sexual chemistry. I’d never in my life clicked with someone so fast before, and so thoroughly.
Cheryl was right, though. I needed to make decisions I could live with, and I couldn’t live with myself if I tried to wreck another woman’s relationship. I needed to delete Shawn Fowler’s number and forget he existed. After all, I had Sparks now, and the dating pool in this area was pretty big. I just needed to focus on that.
It’s good that we were all young and fit-ish because our apartment had no elevator. I picked up my suitcase and trudged up the three steep flights to the top floor of the old building. The door had been left open a crack for me, so I pushed it with my foot, which was still wet and frozen. I couldn’t wait to get out of this uniform and into