away. She gagged twice and ran over to the sink, sure she was going to throw up.
“What’s wrong?” Jack asked.
“Nothing,” Claire said. “Don’t eat that, okay? The milk is bad.” She took the bowl from him and poured it down the sink, holding her breath as she washed the little O-shaped pieces of cereal down the disposal. She went to the refrigerator and looked at the options. “Do you want some toast?”
“Are you having a baby?” Jack asked.
“What? No.”
Jack shrugged. “That’s what my mom does when she’s having a baby,” he said.
“Right,” Claire said. “It was just that the milk made me feel sick.”
“Milk is good for you,” Jack said.
“You’re right, it is.”
“Do you have any babies?”
“Nope. No babies.”
“Who is your mom?”
“My mom is Weezy. You know her, she lives down the street. And you know my dad, Will, and my sister, Martha. And you’ve even met my brother, Max.”
“Weezy is your mom?” Jack asked. He looked like he didn’t believe her for a second.
“Yep.”
“Do you live with her?”
“I do now. I was living somewhere else, but I moved back.”
“I’m never leaving my mom,” Jack said.
“Okay,” Claire said.
“I don’t think Weezy is your mom,” Jack said. “Because we see her when we go to the playground sometimes.”
“Okay,” Claire said. “Whatever you say.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
Claire was exhausted by these conversations. Exhausted from sitting around and watching Jack and Tucker play. The one thing she did like about babysitting was holding Matthew. He was at a great age—small enough that he was nothing but a bundle of baby, but big enough that she wasn’t afraid she was going to break him.
She liked holding him while the other two boys napped, feeling his solid little weight in her arms. He was totally relaxed, his mouth slightly open, and every once in a while his chin would quiver, and he’d sigh. Claire was jealous of him while he slept, and hoped that if she held that warm little body, some of his calmness would rub off on her.
SOMETIMES AFTER LAINIE WOULD GET HOME, Claire would just end up staying at the house for a little while. It was so much easier to be there than to be at her own house. She’d watch as Lainie and Brian came back from work and still never stopped moving, making the boys dinner and getting them ready for bed. Claire at least liked the feeling of being able to sit and watch, knowing she wasn’t responsible for any of it.
It also amazed her how easily Lainie had become a mother. When she was first pregnant with Jack, Claire couldn’t believe it. But then Lainie had the baby, and she walked around with Jack popped out on her hip, like he’d always been there. Then she had the next two, and she was a mother of three. There was no adjustment period, she just did it. How had it been so easy for her? Claire had barely gotten to the first step of creating that life and it had all fallen apart.
“We’re going to have a party,” Lainie said one night. She was walking around the room, gathering all of the toys and shoes and socks that had been thrown around during the day. She picked it all up in her arms and then dumped it in the bin in the corner of the room.
Lainie loved having parties and used any excuse to do so. Claire suspected that she loved having everyone come to her, but no one minded because Lainie always threw a good party.
“Yeah, doesn’t that seem like a good idea?” Brian asked Claire. “Lainie just put a banana peel into the toy box and she wants to have a hundred people over here this weekend.”
“I didn’t put a—oh, wait. Yes, I did,” Lainie said as she pulled a banana peel out from the toys. “Why didn’t you tell me? Anyway, it’s not going to be a hundred people.” She turned to roll her eyes and shake her head at Brian. “Just a party for fall, one last time to barbecue before it’s too cold. Plus, Claire’s back, so we should celebrate that. We have to have a party.”
“Sounds like fun,” Claire said. It was her last day babysitting for the boys. The nanny had returned earlier in the week and was coming back to work. (“Thank God,” Brian had said. “I had this feeling she was never coming back to the country.”) Claire would be starting work soon anyway. Amanda had called to tell her that if