knew he wouldn’t want her to see him cry. She never had before, and if this hadn’t happened, she wondered how long, if ever, it would have been before she’d seen it.
“I think we should go,” Max said. He was already grabbing his bag and putting stuff in it.
“Now?” It was five in the morning.
“Yeah, let’s get out of here. I want to leave before anyone wakes up.”
“Can you even drive? You had kind of a lot to drink.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s morning now.”
“What did she say?” Cleo already knew, but she wanted to hear it from him.
“I’ll tell you about it later. Let’s just go.”
“But my stuff is upstairs,” Cleo said. The last thing she wanted to do was to walk up there by herself, and run into Weezy in the hall, or see crazy Bets on her way to the bathroom. Her heart started to beat quickly just thinking about it.
“I’ll run and grab it,” Max said. “Can you finish packing my stuff?”
Cleo nodded and he ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time. They looked like a couple that was late for the airport.
IT WAS STILL DARK OUT when they got in the car, and they drove in silence for almost an hour. Cleo was afraid to say anything to him. Every once in a while she reached over and put her hand on his leg, or rubbed the back of his neck, but he didn’t react much. Cleo forced herself to keep her eyes open, even though all she wanted to do was sleep. It used to be that she couldn’t sleep if she was worried, but now she felt like she could sleep anywhere and anytime. Finally they passed a sign for a rest stop that was coming up, and Max turned to look at her. “Are you hungry?” She nodded, and he turned on his blinker and got off the expressway.
Max said he’d run in and get the food, and Cleo asked for an egg sandwich and a cup of coffee. Max shook his head. “I don’t think you’re supposed to have coffee.”
“Oh,” Cleo said. “Not even a cup?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Forget it. Just get me a bottle of water.”
Max nodded and got out of the car to go get their food. She was so sad just then, for both of them, as she watched him open the door and go in. It was so sad, just fucking depressing, really. Neither of them had any idea what they were doing. They didn’t even know if she could have coffee or not.
Cleo started to cry a little bit, her nose running, and she dug around until she found an old napkin in the car to blow her nose. She was trying to stop the tears before Max came back, but when she saw him walk out with a drink tray and a bag of fast-food breakfast, she started crying all over again.
“I got you orange juice, too,” he said. He put his hand on the back of her head and ran it down to her neck.
“What’re we doing?” she asked.
“We’ll be okay,” Max said. This sounded like such a complete lie that Cleo let out a little laugh. “Here, you should eat.” He handed the sandwich to Cleo and she unwrapped it in her lap.
“We’re really in a lot of shit, aren’t we?” she said. Max was pulling out of the parking lot and onto the ramp to get back on the highway, and he didn’t answer her.
WHEN CLEO TOLD HER MOM, there was a pause and for a second she thought her mom hadn’t heard her and she was going to have to repeat herself. And then she heard her mom say, “Oh goddamn it, Cleo.”
Cleo had breathed in quickly, like someone had surprised her, and then she’d started to cry. On the other end of the phone, her mom sighed. She hated when Cleo cried, she always had.
“Well, have you thought about it?” Elizabeth asked.
“Mom, of course I’ve thought about it.”
“And?”
“And what? I’m keeping it. I wouldn’t be telling you about it otherwise, would I?”
“Cleo, you really need to think about this.”
“What do you mean, I really need to think about it? You think I haven’t thought about it?”
“I’m just saying, it’s a big decision.”
“Yeah, no kidding. And I’ve thought about it. I have. You’re talking to me like I don’t think things through, like I’m some idiot who got knocked up and just decided to go with it.”
“Well, right about now,