It was like moving right back to high school. Nothing had changed.
There was a point each morning (and this had been happening since the breakup) when Claire first woke up and didn’t remember what had happened. It was about a thirty-second window, give or take, when her mind was free of everything, when she didn’t think about the wedding’s being called off, about Doug’s moving out, about her mounting credit card debt, about moving home. It wasn’t that she forgot exactly—it was just that her mind didn’t remember right away, and for those seconds she felt normal. And then it all came rushing back in, her head filled up with the events of the past year, and she was embarrassed and horrified all over again, like it had all just occurred. She’d lie there as it happened, roll over so that her face was in her pillow, and start thinking about how she was going to undo everything, how she was going to go about fixing the mess that was her life.
At night, she would look at the stupid plastic stars and think, What the hell was I thinking? She let the thought run through her head over and over. She let herself repeat it, stressing different words each time—What the hell was I thinking? What the hell was I thinking? What the hell was I thinking?
Even the dog seemed confused by the situation. Ruby walked around at night, poking her head into each room to make sure all of the family members were there. She’d go to look in Max’s room, staring at the bed as if she just wanted to make sure that he wasn’t there. When she came to Claire’s door, she’d perk up, her ears springing alive, and she’d wag her tail and come to greet her. But Ruby seemed overwhelmed by this change, and she’d sometimes tilt her head at Claire before leaving the room, sighing as she walked away to continue her inspection.
Claire’s first night home, Weezy made a special dinner and they all toasted, “Welcome back,” like Claire’s return was something to be celebrated, like it wasn’t a total failing of her attempt to live as a successful adult.
AT THE TEMP OFFICE, CLAIRE TOOK a typing test and a computer proficiency test. The woman kept looking up at Claire and then back down at the résumé like it was going to answer the question of why Claire was here in the first place.
“Now, why did you leave your last job again?” she asked.
“I’m looking for a change and I thought it would be easier to figure out what I wanted to do if I took some time off and moved back home for a little while.” Claire had said this exact sentence to her about four times now. She was pretty sure the woman thought she was lying.
“Well, we shouldn’t have any trouble placing you. There’s a spot I’m thinking about that’s just a three-month placement.”
“That would be great. I’m not looking for a permanent job.”
“Right.” The woman nodded. She looked again like she didn’t believe Claire. “Well, I think it would be a great fit. It starts in a week or two, and I can get you in there to meet them tomorrow if that works?”
Claire nodded. They set up the appointment and shook hands. Then Claire went back home, took off her skirt and jacket, put on pajama pants, and got back into bed.
WEEZY WAS TRYING TO BE HELPFUL, but it was getting on Claire’s nerves. Which of course made her feel awful, since Weezy had been so nice about everything, had accepted Claire back home like it was no big deal. But still, every time Weezy asked about her plans or asked her how she was feeling, Claire thought she was going to lose it.
The morning that Claire was scheduled to meet with the office, she and Weezy sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee together in their pajamas.
“Are you nervous?” Weezy asked.
“No.”
“Not even a little?”
“No. It’s not a real job. It’s just a temp job.”
“Still,” Weezy said. “It can be scary to interview.”
“I guess.”
“You know,” Weezy said, “there are so many kids your age that have moved back home. Remember Mark Crowley? You went to first grade with him, but then he transferred to the public schools because he had all those learning problems? Well, anyway, I saw his mother in the grocery store last week and she told me that he’d lost his job in New York and