to.
Claire loved this about going home—loved that she knew every corner, that everything was familiar, that the house would creak and groan her to sleep. But this time, the noises were not comforting. Each squeak of the floor made her want to cover her ears. She could hear her father breathing heavily as he walked down the hallway (was he that out of shape?), could hear her mom humming as she made coffee, could hear Martha in her room, thumping her feet against the headboard as she always did when she read, so that it bumped against the wall, over and over, until Claire was sure she was going to scream.
This reaction shouldn’t have surprised her, but somehow it still did. Moving home wasn’t exactly what she wanted; it was just the only possible way out of her mess. When she’d finally gotten the courage to call Weezy, she didn’t waste any time. As soon as Weezy answered, she said, “I’m having money issues.”
She had sounded like a polite older woman who didn’t want to give the specifics of her financials, who thought that talking about money was rude. But at least it was out there. It had taken almost an hour for Claire to fully explain the situation, to really make it clear that she was in trouble. And still, when she’d said, “I think I have to move home for a while,” Weezy was surprised.
Once things got moving, they happened quickly. Claire gave her landlord notice and said she’d be using her security deposit as her last month’s rent. It was unclear if this was legal or not—everyone had a different opinion—but it didn’t matter. If they were going to come after her, let them. She just needed to get out of this city. She figured she wasn’t even staying the whole month of September, so maybe they’d look the other way.
At work, they weren’t all that surprised. Amy had nodded like she’d seen it coming. “Sometimes you just need a change of scenery,” she’d said. Claire had agreed and quickly left the office. Becca and Molly were surprised, but not sorry. They wished her luck and said they’d miss her, but didn’t sound very convincing.
On her last day, they all stood around and ate cupcakes, as was the tradition, and they all said things like, “Enjoy those cheese steaks” and “Bet you won’t miss the crowded subways in the morning!” At the end of the day, Claire wasn’t the least bit sorry to leave the office and never go back.
Her apartment was packed up easily, partly because it was still almost empty from when Doug left, and partly because she sold what little was left of the furniture on craigslist. She didn’t want to pay for storage and didn’t want a bed—or anything else—that she and Doug had shared. She was happy to open her door to strangers, let them come in and give her cash, and watch them leave carrying her possessions.
Martha had warned her to have someone else in the apartment with her and to leave the door open while the buyers entered. “You should also alert your doorman to the situation. Make sure he knows why they’re coming to see you.”
“Why?” Claire asked.
“Claire. Come on. People looking to murder innocent people use craigslist all the time.”
“Right,” Claire said. “I’ll be careful.”
There was no good-bye party, no send-off with her friends like they’d done for everyone else. “I’m not really leaving,” she kept telling everyone. “I’m just figuring stuff out.” Her friends nodded like they didn’t quite believe her and hugged her like she was never coming back.
It shocked her, really, how quickly it had all been done, how fast she’d ended up back home and sleeping in her bed. For the first few days, she felt relief. Her debt was still with her, but at least she could stop worrying that she was about to get evicted. The worst was over, and she started to make a plan, set up an interview with a temp agency, and unpacked her bags. Then on the fourth day, she’d woken up and listened to all the noise around her. And that was when the panic had started to set in.
Her bedroom still had faded stuffed animals on the shelves, collages of old high school friends that she hadn’t seen in years, plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling (why had she thought that was so cool?), and a poster of Dave Matthews on the back of the door.