tell he was keyed up, because, you know.”
“His dick was hard,” she said bluntly.
“Yes, and I was very clear that it was a yes from me and we could keep going. But he said no.”
“Are you sure he didn’t come in his pants and didn’t want you to know?”
“Definitely not, although I think he was close.”
Ginny’s eyes were wide, and for a second, she just stared at me, her lips forming a little O. “So he gave you an orgasm and then didn’t want to continue.”
“Yes.”
“I’m confused.”
“Thank you,” I said, my voice tinged with enthusiasm. “See? That’s weird, right? It’s not just me?”
“No, definitely not just you.”
“He took some deep breaths and rubbed his hands up and down his face, and then he asked me if I wanted to keep watching the stupid movie.”
“That’s all just… very unexpected.”
“I know.”
“I thought Gavin was supposed to be the kind of guy who’d give you the orgasm and then happily take a blow job in return. Did you guys have a conversation about where things were going or something?”
“No, not at all.”
“What about at the party?”
“No. I did tell him about my arousal thing, which now I’m regretting. Ginny, was it a pity dry-humping?”
“I can’t imagine it was out of pity. Tell me one thing, though.”
“What?”
“Was it good?”
I rolled my eyes, wishing I could lie to her and say it hadn’t been very good anyway. But I couldn’t. “It was amazing.”
“I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.” She reached over and patted my hand sympathetically. “I’m guessing you haven’t talked to him since.”
“Your guess is correct. I left pretty abruptly. He offered to drive me home, but I was just so… confused and kind of embarrassed. And now I don’t know what to do. Or what I want him to do.”
“You like him.”
“Yeah, I do. He still kind of scares me, but I like hanging out with him. And I know this makes no sense, but he’s the only reason I’ve been writing lately.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know how blocked I’ve been. Somehow when he’s around, I’m not blocked. I have no explanation for it. He came into the coffee shop one day when I was trying to write and sat at my table for a little while. I wrote an entire chapter. A whole chapter, Ginny. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve done that?”
“Months?”
“Yes. After he left, nothing. It was like turning off a faucet. So later I invited him over to see if it would happen again.”
“And it did?”
“Yep. He sat on my bed while I wrote and it worked. I wrote and wrote and wrote, just like I used to.”
“That’s so crazy.”
“I know. I have no idea what’s going on with that. But even without the writing thing, I don’t want things to be all messed up between us.”
“Do you think it’s because he works for your dad? He doesn’t want to get in trouble with his boss?”
“Maybe. He did say something a few weeks ago about promising my dad he wouldn’t, but he wasn’t exactly clear on what he wouldn’t do.”
“Well there you go. That’s probably what’s going on.”
“So you’re saying maybe there’s a reason other than he’s repulsed by me physically and he wishes he’d never touched me?”
She rolled her eyes. “Are all novel writers as dramatic as you?”
“I don’t know. Probably.”
“Anyone can see Gavin likes you. Whatever he has going on in his head, it’s not that he’s repulsed by you physically. I bet it’s the your-dad-is-his-boss thing. He doesn’t think he can date you.”
I stirred some cream into my coffee, briefly pondering. “You know, the more I think about it, maybe he did the right thing last night. I don’t know if I’m ready to be with someone new anyway.”
“Hmm.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I think you’re using Cullen as an excuse because you’re scared.”
“Of course I’m scared. I’m always scared.”
“I mean scared of Gavin.”
“I literally just said he scares me.”
She regarded me with a motherly tilt of her head. “I mean you’re scared of falling for him.”
Glancing away, I let out a long breath.
“Do you want my advice?”
“Yes.”
“If you want him, you need to tell him. And if you’re not ready for a relationship, but you like hanging out as friends and you wouldn’t mind adding a little lust-and-thrust into the mix, tell him that too. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“He turns me down and it’s so horribly awkward he never speaks to me again.”
“Maybe I should have