be a better-“
“Stop it,” I bit out. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I was as nice as I could be.”
“I’m sure you were,” Ryder said in a pacifying voice that really pissed me off. “But maybe if you had just thought-“
“Enough,” I shrieked. “You weren’t there. You weren’t. And you don’t know what was said. Besides that, Chase isn’t some breakable doll. He’s going to be fine. Stop treating him like he’s fragile. Have more respect for your friend.”
“Is that what you think? You think I’m coddling him? You have no idea what you do to men, do you? You have no idea how you affect them!” he was shouting back at me, enunciating certain words with anger and gripping the steering wheel like he wanted to rip it off.
His emotion infuriated me, and he had no idea. He just happened to press every single one of my buttons and he probably expected an apology. Only the thing was, I couldn’t even be mad at him. He shouldn’t be punished for being right. And he certainly shouldn’t be punished because I was cursed.
“You’re right,” I gave in. Suddenly I was very tired. “I should have handled things differently with Chase.”
I watched Ryder open his mouth and then close it out of the corner of my eye and didn’t know what to make of his eventual silence. He just kept staring at me, like he could see through me, all the way through me. And not in the way that made me feel like I didn’t exist, but in the way that made me feel like I very much existed. Like his stare could reach every single piece of me I tried to hide, tried to tuck away. Like his eyes were super powered and he had no issue with finding every single vulnerable place inside me and shining his bright, brilliant silver spotlight on every last nook and cranny.
“Chase is my friend,” Ryder finally settled on the obvious. “But so are you, Ivy. If you want to talk, I will listen.”
I swung my head around to finally focus on those unsettling grays.
“I can’t-“
“I didn’t ask that,” Ryder cut me off, his expression fierce and hopeful all at the same time. “I won’t ever ask more of you than you can give. But if you want to, I am here for you.”
I don’t know what my face looked like, or what emotion he watched cross my face because honestly I didn’t even know. My blood grew hot with the multitude of them, my skin prickling with something. I felt like my wires were crossed, like my heart knew something my brain didn’t because it was pounding in my chest with painful purpose. I shook my head as if to remind myself not to say anything to him, not to even hint at the real purpose.
But I found the words bubbling up before I could stop them; they swam their way to the surface and made it all the way to the tip of my tongue before I could even register what a terrible idea this was.
“Ryder, what you don’t know is…. there’s actually a lot you don’t-“
Banging on Ryder’s window scared the ever living hell out of me and a blood curdling scream wrenched from my mouth, covering whatever terrible truth I was about to confess.
“What are you guys doing in there?” Phoenix shouted through the closed window, his voice muffled by the glass.
Phoenix. Good grief.
My heart beat more frantically than ever against my battered rib cage, and sweat formed at my hairline and lower back. Holy hell, that reminded me of Nix the other night and I was fairly certain I nearly died of a brain aneurism.
“I’m sorry,” I panted out of breath. I clutched a hand to my neck and cleared my throat nervously. “I’m really sorry.”
Ryder looked at me with concerned shock before finally rolling down the window for Phoenix. “Was that necessary?”
“Sorry, Ives,” Phoenix apologized sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s fine,” I waved a dismissive hand, but I was still out of breath. “Honestly, it is. I just wasn’t expecting you.”
“Are you Ok?” Ryder faced me again, his eyes gentled with worry.
“Yes, seriously, I am. I just scare easily,” I tried to laugh but let’s be real, I sounded a little deranged. Yep, we were never visiting this conversation again. Obviously this was the universe’s way of warning me.
“You want to go get started?” Ryder asked in that same patient tone. “If you’re