eye contact at the table while everyone snickered and laughed around me. I didn’t know why I felt so embarrassed by Ryder’s comments; it wasn’t like my life was protected from sex, or sex-related activities. In fact, it was more inundated with them than anything. But I didn’t like to think about whatever Ryder had planned for Kenna tonight. For whatever reason those thoughts made me extremely uncomfortable.
“Hey,” Chase lowered his voice and leaned into me. “We don’t have to go to the party. We can always do our own thing.”
“No you can’t,” Phoenix jumped in, shaking his head and giving Chase a stern look. “No you can’t do your own thing. Ivy’s never been to one of my parties. They are seriously epic. There will be no ditching my party.” This was the most serious I had ever seen Phoenix, and he was still glaring at Chase.
“Geez, eavesdrop much?” Chase complained, shaking his head at his friend. “And you can’t peer pressure Ivy into going, she makes her own decisions.”
“Very true,” I laughed at the two of them going back and forth. And it was true. I was completely immune to peer pressure. Parental pressure was a whole different category however and in my case, so, so much worse. “Don’t worry, Phoenix, we’ll be there.” I turned to Chase and smiled at him. “I don’t want to disappoint him, he seems so pathetic.”
Chase just shook his head. “How do you always get your way, man?”
“Boyish good looks and infinite charm,” Phoenix offered seriously. “Oh and my parents have good weed.”
I let that sink in for a minute before declaring, “Nope, sorry, so not into recreational drugs.” I shook my head, my auburn hair whipping around my face, hammering in my point. I didn’t know what made my confession so absolutely vital, so important that I needed to say it out loud with loads of conviction. But I had to assume it had something to do with Kenna presuming my drink the other night was vodka. I had a reputation, and I couldn’t stop the rumors, but this group of people was different than anyone I had ever hung out with before. They were better…. more wholesome or something. And I felt myself wanting to prove my virtue. Which was totally lame….
“Oh, no worries,” Phoenix threw out immediately. “The weed is just there, I mean available. Personally, I never do it either, but my parents leave it where all my friends can find it. They think that makes them cool parents. I think it makes them irresponsible, but what can you do?”
“I don’t believe you,” a snide voice called from down the table. I lifted my eyes to meet the same girl that was mean to me before. I couldn’t remember her name. Initially I thought she was accusing Phoenix of lying, but by her pinched, hateful face I had to assume her statement was directed at me. “I’ve heard you’re into everything,” she continued, letting her ambiguous innuendo slide over every one of her words.
“She doesn’t do drugs anymore. Rehab, duh, Amber,” another voice from down the table scolded but with a fair amount of amusement in his annoying voice.
Hayden. Ugh.
“Oh that’s right,” Amber laughed like a hyena at my expense. Her chin length hair bobbed around her face and got stuck to her overly lacquered lips. Her eyes glinted maliciously at me.
That wasn’t the reason I didn’t do drugs. I would never do drugs. Ever. But those were reasons I had to keep private, reasons I couldn’t even admit to myself out loud. Plus, I still had to perpetuate the whole rehab lie anyway. In only three days, I had almost completely forgotten that I was supposed to be a recovering addict. That was one lie that was going to be hard to keep straight. Goodbye wholesome. Hello nasty rumors.
“Yep, the twelve steps and all,” I mumbled half-heartedly. I didn’t even know what the twelve steps were in truth. I knew they involved forgiveness, but that was the only one I could come up with. I should have probably googled the rest for obnoxious moments just like this.
“What does that even mean?” Ryder asked in an amused tone, drawing my attention back to our smaller group.
“Come on, don’t be a douche too,” Chase pleaded, saving me from answering. It was a good thing too, since I had no idea what I meant by that and I should have known better than to think Ryder wouldn’t call me out