air.
Chapter Eleven
You will be mine, Ivy. You will be mine. You will be mine. You will be mine.
“Hey are you, Ok? Ivy, are you Ok?” Kenna’s voice cut through the memory of last night and shook me into the present.
Breath.
One full breath.
“Um, yeah, I’m fine,” I smiled at her, hoping I looked fine. Obviously I didn’t, but to be fair, she caught me in the middle of reliving the worst nightmare of my life. And I had lived a lifetime of nightmares. “I was just thinking about something.”
She smiled back, but I could tell she didn’t really believe me. I relied on our acquaintance-only-status to keep her from prying further and with one more fortifying breath I turned my attention back to Chase as he inhaled his pizza. I reached over and stole a pepperoni before he could consume everything on his plate and then ignored the instinct to lick his plate clean for him.
“I tried to share with you,” Chase scolded. He wiped his hands on a napkin and gave my lonely orange and bottle of water a depressed once over. “That is so not enough food for lunch.”
“It’s plenty,” I argued, savoring the taste of the greasy pepperoni on my tongue. “I’m just not a big eater,” I explained. I wasn’t a big eater, but not by choice. It was part of the rules I lived with. I wanted to be a big eater. I wanted to weigh four hundred pounds and eat ice cream all day long and drink soda by the two-liter.
I wanted to wear elastic pants.
Chase made a noncommittal grunt that sounded like he didn’t really believe me either. I ignored him and dug into the orange in front of me, my fingernails sinking into the soft flesh causing juice to squirt out everywhere, speckling my hands with sticky spray.
“So who’s coming tomorrow night?” Phoenix asked by way of greeting. He sat down directly across from me, flashing a goofy grin and waggling his eyebrows. “Ivy, you in?”
“Yeah, I’m in,” I grinned back, and nudged Chase with my elbow. “Chase invited me.”
“Nice,” Phoenix’s smile grew bigger and he reached out with his gangly arms to steal my water bottle and take a drink. Apparently our lunch table was more like a communal buffet.
“Wait, is this the first date?” Ryder asked, squeezing in between Phoenix and Kenna. He threw his arm around Kenna and placed a quick kiss against her neck before waiting for the answer. I watched them helplessly, feeling something hollow and open in my heart but not understanding it.
Kenna giggled loudly and then wiggled out of Ryder’s arm so that she could finish her lunch. She really was pretty, even today when she wasn’t really trying. Her stick straight hair was thrown up into a messy bun, but it was so straight that it fell limply on top of her head. She was wearing a simple v-neck t-shirt and tight jeans with a loose scarf around her neck, but she was still eye-catching, still beautiful.
I found myself jealous for a moment. Not because I didn’t think I was pretty, I knew I was. But each one of my outfits had to meet the approval of my mother and anything less than perfectly styled hair was completely out of the question. Even the ballet flats I wore today with skinny jeans took hours of convincing and negotiating. My mother was under the impression that unless I was in at least four inch stilettos I just wasn’t trying.
I tore my eyes of Kenna to stare at Chase, expecting him to answer Ryder’s question. He was blushing just barely, his cheeks pinkened and his eyes averting me completely.
“This is the first date,” I acknowledged, saving Chase from having to answer.
“F for effort,” Ryder goaded. “Don’t get too attached to that one, if the best he can come up
with is a lame-ass party at Bates’ house.”
“It’s my fault,” I felt the unexplainable need to defend Chase from Ryder’s judgment. “I’m busy tonight and he had already promised Phoenix he would go.”
Ryder gave me a skeptical look and I wasn’t exactly sure what it was for, but Chase jumped in and saved me from asking. “Like you’re any better Sutton. You’re taking Kenna to the party, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Ryder agreed. “But tonight I have big plans.”
“Oh yeah?” Kenna nudged Ryder with her elbow gently. “What kind of plans?”
“Big ones,” Ryder smirked at her, and the innuendo was clear.
I felt my cheeks get warm and I had to avoid any