But that's not what made me change." She breathed deep. "When I was helping Sean out at this tiny little hole of a club, I found a CD. And the singer on it was... breathtaking.” A shy smile grew on her face.
Tingles of disbelief ran down my spine as I suspected what she was saying. Is she serious? I didn't want to believe our connection ran the length of time, it was too fucking good to be true. The quaking of my heart made my voice hoarse. “My music?”
Her nod was deliberate. “Your first CD.”
My nostrils flared, hands dragging her to me so I could taste that plump little mouth of hers. She found my first CD, I thought in quiet shock. She heard my lyrics and they changed her life. This amazing, insanely wonderful girl...
She's been meant for me from the start.
There was so much in my heart and head. I was linking her hard past with my own; we were so similar. At the same time, I was struggling with her decision to bravely display her wounds, while I'd done my best to bury mine. Our souls were so similar; our beliefs were not.
I couldn't be like Lola and wear my damage on my sleeve.
That wasn't the path for me.
Nuzzling her throat, thrilling with her beating pulse, I sighed. “Lola, you didn't need to tell me all of this. What made you do it?”
Suddenly, she couldn't look me in the eye. “I just—I think it's important to share this stuff. We should know what's made us who we are. We should... talk about it.”
'We' she says. “I thought about this earlier,” I said. My stubble traced along her jaw; I spoke against her skull, as if I could penetrate her brain. “There's a better word for us than we. Let's call it like it is, we're a couple, right?”
In my embrace, she shuddered. “Boyfriend and girlfriend... it's more than I ever imagined.” Around my middle, her limbs stitched into place. “I want that. I want everything that comes with actually dating you—dating Drezden Halifax. I want to know everything about you.”
A wriggling line of paranoia crawled in my guts. Was I crazy, or was Lola hinting that she knew I was keeping something from her? No. She doesn't know about that. I've been careful. She couldn't have seen. But she was going to learn eventually.
Wasn't she?
I hadn't fully thought it through. If I wanted Lola as completely as I did, it was inevitable that she'd see my scar, that she'd ask about it.
I'll have to explain it to her.
Lola's teeth gnawed at her own lower lip. I kissed her, gave her a new thing to chew on.
But not yet.
Not just yet.
Buried in her smell, her flavor, I begged for more time. Please, just let me have this for a little longer. Don't make me have to tell this wonderful woman what I went through.
What my father did to me and my mother.
It was as close to a prayer as I'd ever made.
****
Lola's breathing was steady in her sleep. It hadn't taken her long to drift off, but my own unconsciousness alluded me.
We were curled in the small bed, her head under my chin, her scent invading my senses. I'd have blamed her nearness for keeping me awake if I hadn't known better.
I was swamped in the tepid images of my past, Lola exposing herself to me, and the events of the day. In her dream, Lola whimpered. The noise jolted from my scalp to my prick. She trembled against me, flesh smooth and hot. It took a massive effort not to wake her up with my hands down her panties.
Even in sleep, she draws me in.
Her next soft, sad mumble deflated my arousal. She jerked violently, her muscles exerting energy, her eyelids fluttering as the nightmare took her. When her lips parted, I realized she was talking to herself. I strained my ears in the almost-darkness.
“No,” she pleaded, “Don't leave me. Please.”
Narrowing my eyes, I gripped her hips. I won't ever leave you. Never.
Those beautiful lips twisted again. “Please stay... Sean.”
I stopped breathing.
In this late hour, the girl I loved—loved—was fighting devils in her mind. This wasn't about me, but the strife she was having with her brother. For a long while she shivered on my chest, the air shaking with her gut-wrenching mumbles. Staring at the ceiling, haunted by those sorrowful whispers, I debated what to do.
Craning my neck, my probing gaze fell on Lola's bed-side table.