to go too far. We could be left behind-as unlikely as that was. In wordless agreement, we walked in circles, repeating the same steps around the area. “So you're enjoying it?” he asked, sipping from his cup.
I held my coffee close, sniffing the bitter scent. “Well, most of it.” Sean slowed, lifting an eyebrow. I went on at his silent prompt. “The music is coming along. They seem to trust I can perform tomorrow. It's just...” How did I phrase this? “Drezden is sort of intense.”
That was putting it mildly.
“Intense how?”
My insides rocked and rolled. “I don't know. When we play together, his singing is overwhelming.” I thought about his fingers on me, his rough jeans grinding, and I shivered.
Sean kicked a rock, watching it skid over the road. “Don't be afraid of Drezden Halifax. He's the kind of guy you should try to get closer to. He can take you places, tell you things, teach you things.”
My feet froze. I stopped walking, staring at Sean. “How do you mean?”
His smile was tight. “A guy like him has a poet's heart. It's why he's so good at what he does. You should go ahead and try to steal some of that.”
Steal some of Drezden Halifax. It was an absurd thought.
He was the guy who was trying to fucking steal parts of me.
It was impossible to tell Sean that, though. “Alright. I'll keep that in mind.”
“You sure you're alright, Lola?” Turning, my brother studied me with new eyes.
I pushed my shoulders into my ears. Just trying to handle a guy who scares me while also turning my insides into Jello, I thought sarcastically. Rubbing my elbows self-consciously, I was glad my injuries were hidden. “I'm fine. I should get back though, Brenda said—” I trailed off. Mentioning Brenda had forced something else up. A piece I'd left drowning in alcohol last night. “Hey. Sean?”
He tilted his head, waiting.
In my hands, the coffee felt colder. “How come you never told me that you auditioned for Drez's band years ago?”
I knew my brother very well. The instant his face fell, I was sure something was wrong. “Oh. That.”
“Sean, talk to me. Why hide that from me?
Fiddling with his neck, he eyed the sky. “Lola, that was a long time ago. You had... other things to worry about. It was a dumb audition.”
A dumb audition that I nailed yesterday. What he'd said, though, it made me think. He was right that two years ago I was busy with some important things. Helplessly, my fingers wandered to the inside of my right arm. Nails itched at where the tattoo hid. “You didn't tell me because you... what? Didn't want to worry me?”
“I didn't want to depress you more, yeah.” His tongue held an edge. “Fucking—Lola, listen. Two years ago things were hectic. But you're fine now, and I'm fine now. We've both dealt with our demons. The only thing that matters right now is literally right now.”
Inside, I wanted to agree. No one wants to be suspicious of their own sibling. “Okay. Okay, don't worry. It's not important anymore.”
His face smoothed with relief. “Good. Now, what were you going to say before that?”
"Brenda scheduled a photo shoot today. I guess she'll try to make me look fancy.”
"Oh la la," he chuckled.
Grinning, I walked backwards towards the bus with a wave. "I should go, we'll talk later!" Cradling my coffee, I jogged back to the bus. I'd hoped that speaking with Sean would clear my head, but it had only left me more lost.
He was hiding something.
But what... and why?
I jumped up the stairs and into the bus. Inside, I found Drezden and Porter standing in the aisle. The bassist grinned, showing every tooth in his mouth. “You look like you're ready for some practice!"
Chugging my coffee, I nodded. "I'm definitely ready." Music would heal my soul, if anything could.
“Fantastic!" Porter laughed. "Colt drank enough that there's no way he doesn't have a huge fucking hangover.” His arm draped over my shoulders, pulling me close. “How about,” he chuckled in my ear, “We wake him up in style?”
The camaraderie was welcome, and I was grateful for Porter. Gripping his hand, I put on my biggest smile, but it didn't come close to his. "I think I like the sound of that."
"Great," he said, clapping his palms. "Because Colt sure won't."
- Chapter Nine -
Drezden
By the time the bus rolled out, we were all awake and in the practice room. Lola had tuned her guitar, then at Porter's