the ocean’s tongue lapped at the scorched sand.
“Eish. I didn’t think it’d be that hot yet.” Pa shook his head as they both rolled up the legs of their trousers and walked.
Ray plucked up his courage and tackled the white elephant.
“I never meant to hurt her. I had to protect her. It didn’t matter what it cost me; I couldn’t let them harm her.”
“I know, my boy. And not a day goes by that I don’t blame myself also.”
“How so?” Ray asked, confused.
“I should have protected you from those bigots. Don’t you love how the idiots in this world believe only white men can be racist?”
Ray stopped as a wave crashed and sprinted up the sand, washing over their feet and up their calves.
Pa took off walking, leaving Ray to realize what his pa had just said.
“Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?” Ray blurted as they rounded the far corner of the wide cove.
Pa bent over and picked up a sea-smoothed clam shell. He turned it this way and that, then looked at Ray. “That is a question you would need to ask her.”
“She ran away the other day.” Ray collected a few washed up pebbles and faced the ocean. Like him, it stirred and raged but also presented with moments of calm and translucent waves.
“It must have been a shock to you both after all these years?” Pa said.
Ray nodded, twisted his right arm and hip, then threw a pebble as a wave crested before him. The stone skipped along the flattened water then dove in to an oncoming wave.
“Can’t blame her. But the time will come when the both of you will need to face your pain and your past.” Pa shrugged and turned back.
Ray enjoyed the sun and rush of froth and water in a shared silence as they made their way to the beach entrance. They rounded the last corner where the land peaked and formed a hill. The girl was back on the dune.
She shouted something and waved excitedly at them. Ray glanced at his father, whose face had taken on a stiff expression. Pa lifted his arm and returned the wave.
“Come, our time is almost up.” He gripped Ray’s elbow and urged them on.
“Is she mine?” Ray’s eyes refused to leave the sublime real-life portrait of the girl and her horse. Even when his father’s hand gripped his shoulder, he could not turn away from the scrawny blonde smiling down at them.
“You need to speak with Mina.”
Ray’s head snapped toward his pa. “But she’s made it clear she wants nothing to do with me. Please, Pa. I have to know.”
“And what peace will it bring you when you do?”
“It’s better than wondering. Pa … is she mine?” Ray pleaded.
His pa’s grip tightened where it rested on his arm, “It’s not for me to answer.”
Ray’s legs gave way and he plonked onto the sand. His world flipped then imploded. Pa didn’t have to betray his confidences, Ray could see the answer plastered across the old man’s face. He fell forward with his hands digging in to the hot sand. He needed an anchor. His blood screamed for a hit and his heart bashed itself against its cage.
Derek knelt beside him. “Now, more than ever, you will need your strength, my boy. You have a reason to become the man you once were.”
“Why did you keep her from me?” He wasn’t angry—only hurt.
“Why do you think? Your mother and I only found out just before she passed. She was just a baby, and you …” His pa inhaled. The action was laden with painful memories. “… were lost to a world of darkness and drugs.”
The old man rose with a groan and held out his hand to his son. “Come.”
Ray reached up, gripped his father’s hand, and stood.
“Now it’s between you and Mina. Do you think you have it in you to be a dad, my boy?”
Ray returned his gaze to the hill. She was gone. “I don’t know,” he whispered.
He’d felt it that first time he’d seen her—a connection he couldn’t quite explain.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll get the opportunity to find out. You deserve it.”
“Do I?” Ray pressed a fist into his diaphragm, which had spasmed in shock.
I have a daughter! I am a Pa!
But was he man enough, good enough to be allowed into her life? He had no right to ask that of Mina, not after what he’d done, even if every inch of his blackened soul yearned to be the man