question, considering he’s about to bury his brother, but I feel the need to ask anyway.
My eyes go to him for a brief moment, taking in how handsome he looks in his dark jeans and black button down. I’m pretty sure this is the most dressed up I’ve seen him since Senior Prom. It’s just unfortunate the circumstances behind it.
Tommy’s face flashes in my mind. Well, the Tommy I remember. I can’t picture him any other way and I don’t want to. The man that died in front of my very eyes. That man was a stranger. Not the boy I had known for years. The one who used to tease me relentlessly about how I’d always follow Jace around like a lost puppy. That’s the person I choose to remember. The young guy with the crooked smile who had a knack for getting under my skin.
“I guess. I kind of feel like I’m living in the twilight zone. Being sober… Everything just feels so real,” Jace answers after a long moment.
“Welcome to reality,” I say it as a joke but I worry it comes off sounding condescending.
“Reality sucks,” he grumbles.
“It’s not all bad.”
“I just want to get this over with.”
“I understand.” I glance in his direction again before my gaze goes back to the road. “It was really nice for the shop owner to pay for the services.”
“Yeah.” He knots his hands in his lap. “Though it feels pretty fucking pathetic that I can’t afford to pay for my own brother’s funeral.”
“No one thinks you’re pathetic.”
“I do.”
“Well I don’t. You’re clean. And given everything that’s happened over the last few days, I’d say that counts for a lot.”
“And yet here I am. Homeless. No money. No real prospects. Guess I’m exactly who my father said I was. A fucking low life piece of shit that will never get anywhere in this world.”
“Jace.” I throw him a sympathetic look. “You are so much more than that. Sure, maybe you’ve hit a few bumps along the way…”
“Bumps?” he snorts. “More like I’ve gone full speed over fucking boulders.”
He’s not wrong, so I don’t try to dispute his truth.
“Even still, you’re here. You’re sober.”
“I guess,” he mumbles, falling silent for a long moment. “Who’s the little girl?” My stomach twists tightly at his question.
“What little girl?” I play stupid, swallowing past the thick lump that has suddenly found its way into my throat.
“The little girl in the front yard the other day. The one with the red curls. I saw the two of you when I stepped out for a smoke.”
“Ellie.” It feels weird saying her name out loud in front of him.
“Ellie.” His eyes are hot on the side of my face.
“She’s Keira’s daughter.” The lie rolls off my tongue so easily it’s as if I had almost planned to say it all along.
Guilt pounds into my chest. I hate lying to him. I hate that I feel the need to lie to him. But I’m not ready to share the truth with him… Not yet. Not until I know that he’s serious about staying clean and getting his life together.
“Keira, your cousin?”
I nod. Jace has never met Keira. She used to come over all the time when I was little, but then our moms had a big falling out and they stopped visiting. But he knows who she is.
“She has your hair.”
“Auburn hair runs in the family on my mom’s side. Keira’s mom has it too,” I explain away the similarities between me and Ellie.
“Is that why you moved here? Because Keira was here?”
“It is. I lived with her while I finished nursing school. She helped me when I had nowhere else to turn.”
“I’m sorry.” I glance over to see his gaze out the window. “I’m sorry that I drove you away. That you felt like you didn’t have any other choice but to leave.”
“Jace…”
“I mean it, Oakley. The shit I put you through.” His face swings back toward mine. “It’s inexcusable. Hell, it’s unforgivable.”
“We all make mistakes.”
“Can I ask you a question?” He waits until I nod before continuing, “Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me? After everything I put you through, after everything I’ve done…”
“Because I know the real Jace. And I guess in a way I’m hoping that if I help you, I might get to see him again one day.”
“I’m not sure that guy even exists anymore.”
“He does,” I say with complete confidence.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I can feel it when