admit, my cheeks heating pink.
I’m not used to this. This uncertainty, this nervousness that suddenly happens whenever I see Jace. Things used to be so easy. So simple. But lately, nothing feels simple anymore.
“Have I ever told you how cute you are when you blush?” He tips my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze. And then he does something I don’t expect. He kisses me again.
His lips are so soft and warm against mine.
“Stay with me tonight,” he murmurs, pulling back.
“Okay,” I agree, knowing my mom will probably not notice that I’m not in bed. It’s not like she makes it a habit of checking on me. If she did, she’d have noticed how many nights I spend out here rather than in my room when it’s warm enough.
I guess that’s one good thing about living in the south. It’s almost always warm enough.
“Okay.” He tugs me toward him, my head settling on his bicep as he drapes his other arm around my middle.
I don’t know how long we lay like that. How long I listen to the sound of his breathing before sleep takes me under. All I know is that if tonight ends up being some wild and crazy dream, I pray that I never wake up.
Chapter Three
JACE
She looks beautiful.
Fuck. Was she always so god damn beautiful?
Her auburn hair is shiny and longer than the last time I saw her. And even though she doesn’t meet my gaze right away, her eyes downcast as she crosses the tiled floor toward me, I can see the deep green with specks of brown as if she were looking right at me.
It’s been four years since I’ve seen her. Four years since I’ve heard the sound of her sweet voice or felt the comfort of her touch. Four years that I’ve spent in a blur of drugs and alcohol. I wish I could say I’ve spent the last four years missing her as much as she deserved to be missed, but the truth is I was too high to really feel much of anything. And when the pain of her loss did manage to filter in, I’d go on another bender to numb it all away.
A fact I’m not proud of. But then again, isn’t that the point of all of this? To right my wrongs. To do the steps. To apologize to the one person that deserves it more than anyone else.
I didn’t want to invite her here. I didn’t want her to see how far I’ve fallen. How many times I’ve failed and continue to fail. But Dr. Bennett thinks that my unresolved past with Oakley is a big part of why I keep ending up back here. Up to this point, I have downright refused to make her a part of this process. She left me, and rightfully so. I didn’t want to pull her back in. I didn’t want to look at her again after what I did to her.
The night of the accident is burned so vividly in my mind. It’s one of the clearest memories I have. And after seeing her laying on the side of that road, not knowing if she’d live or die, I swore to myself that I’d get clean. For her. I waited there with her broken body until I saw the ambulance lights before fleeing the scene, knowing I’d be arrested.
Less than two hours later, I was sitting on some random couch with a needle hanging out of my arm.
I haven’t seen or spoken to her since.
I can only assume she never told the authorities that I was driving. That I was there. If she had, I probably would be sitting in a jail cell right now. I’m not sure why she protected me. Why she didn’t tell them what I had done. Even at my worst, she still fought to keep me safe and out of jail. Though if I’m being honest, jail is probably exactly where I should be.
I’ve done some terrible things, unspeakable things, things I deserve to pay for. And in a way, I guess I have been paying for them. Maybe not in the form of courtroom justice, but I’ve been living in my own personal hell instead.
When I heard she had left town, it was almost a relief because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to hurt her like that again. Hurt her the way I knew I’d keep hurting her. Because that’s what I do. Or at least, that’s what