when I looked at Jace, I barely recognized him. I kept fighting to find him again, to bring him back to me. And now, I don’t know how to explain it but when I look at him, I see Jace again. My Jace.
Maybe that’s wishful thinking. Maybe that’s me seeing what I want to see. I can’t explain it or make sense of it. It’s just this gut feeling.
But a part of me still worries that I’m wrong and that bringing Jace here really was a huge mistake.
“I don’t know what you want me to say right now. His brother just died. What was I supposed to do?”
“Not bring him here,” he says like it’s that easy. “The fact that you did really makes me wonder…” He pauses for a long moment. “Are you still in love with him?”
“What? No, of course not.” Even I don’t believe the lie.
No matter how many times I’ve told myself over the years that I was over him, it only took one look to know that I had been kidding myself. The moment I walked into that rehab center and saw him sitting there, I knew I still loved him. But that doesn’t change our past. It doesn’t change where we are now.
“Your words say one thing, but your expression says something else.”
“I don’t know what you want from me, Lance. I did what I thought was right.”
“No, you didn’t. Because what was right was keeping that man as far away from you and Ellie as possible. Yet he’s here. Just a few yards away.” He gestures toward the back of the house. “That tells me there’s a lot more to this than you’re leading on.”
“You’re not happy that he’s here. I get that. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away or discuss it with you first, but at the end of the day this is my choice to make. Not yours.”
“And that right there.” He runs a hand through his hair and takes a step back. “That tells me everything I need to know.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Look, we’re clearly not on the same page. I think I’ve known it for a while, but I kept telling myself it was because of your past. That you were protecting yourself. But that’s not really it, is it?”
“Lance.”
“I love you, Oakley. I mean, I really love you. But I think it’s pretty apparent that you don’t feel the same way. Because if you did, if you cared about me the way I care about you, you wouldn’t have dismissed my feelings on this matter so quickly. When you’re in a relationship, you think about the other person. You care how they feel and you take those feelings into account.”
“I do care about how you feel.”
“Then tell him to leave.”
“What?”
“If you truly care about me and how I feel, tell him to leave.”
“I… His brother just died.”
“And that’s horrible but, Oakley, it isn’t your problem.”
“Isn’t my problem? He’s the father of my child.”
“A fact that you’ve hidden from him for all this time. Why now? Why does it matter now?” He looks at me expectantly, but I don’t have an answer for him. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He turns and heads toward the door.
“Lance!” I call, following after him. “Where are you going?”
He pauses with his hand on the doorknob.
“I can’t do this, Oakley. I won’t. It’s either him or me.”
I once said that Lance was the most understanding person I had ever met. I’m starting to rethink that assessment. Because if he was, if he truly understood, he wouldn’t be demanding this of me. Not today. Not after we just lost Tommy.
“There’s not a choice. The two are completely separate. You are my boyfriend. He is my friend. A friend who needs my help.”
“No, he is your first love and the father of your child. And if you can’t see why this is such a big deal then maybe you’re not as smart as I thought you were.”
His insult stings.
“You know what, go ahead and leave. Because if you’re going to force my hand, if you’re going to make ridiculous ultimatums, then you’re not the person I thought you were either.”
“Good luck with everything, Oakley. When it all blows up in your face, and it will, don’t come crying to me. I’m done.”
With that, he yanks open the door and exits the house, not looking back even once as he jumps in his car and speeds off moments later.
Chapter Thirteen
JACE
* * *
It’s