the new life I’m building and pray that maybe one day Jace will find his way.
“Mama.” I look up as Ellie comes running into the room, her two favorite dolls in her arms. “Come play with me.” She narrows her gaze, letting me know it’s not a request in her sweet mind.
I chuckle at her expression. Always the demanding little diva.
“Okay. But just for a few minutes. We’re going to meet Lance for dinner in a little bit. Does that sound good?”
“Mac and cheese?” She gives me a toothy grin.
“Yes, we can go somewhere that has mac and cheese.” I giggle, setting my water on the island.
“Now play.” She holds her hand out, impatiently waiting for me to take it.
After my earlier meeting, my mind goes to how much she reminds me of her father. It’s something I’ve purposely avoided thinking about over the last three years, but every now and then I can’t help it. There is so much of him in her. So many little quirks and facial expressions that make me want to both laugh and cry at the same time.
“Now play.” I smile, allowing her to pull me down the hallway.
“You seem quiet,” Lance observes, sitting across the small round table from me, a large plate of spaghetti in front of him.
“Just tired.” I swirl my fork through my fettuccine, having barely touched it since the waitress sat it in front of me.
“Anything you want to talk about?” He tilts his head slightly, studying me.
Lance is a great guy. Sweet, funny, caring, and not to mention, pretty easy on the eyes. Broad shoulders. Dark hair and eyes. A crooked smile that most women would melt at the sight of.
Don’t get me wrong, I like him. But after a few months of dating, I feel like I should more than just like him. And maybe I do. Maybe I’m afraid to let myself go there because the last time I did…
Well, we all know how that ended.
I have fun with him. We like a lot of the same things. And he can make me laugh at the drop of a hat. But I’ve always felt like there was something missing. Passion. Excitement. Danger. With Lance, there is none.
And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. He’s reliable, responsible and smart as hell. He makes me feel safe. With Lance, I’m not waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m enjoying the moment. Which is leaps and bounds from my relationship with Jace.
Even still, the stagnancy of our relationship seems more apparent tonight. Though I don’t have to venture very far to figure out why that is.
I push the thought away and refocus. Lance doesn’t deserve my uncertainty or my distance. He deserves to have me present and with him, not thinking about a man who chose drugs over the woman he supposedly loved.
“Not really,” I answer after too much time has passed. “Honestly, I want to forget today ever happened and move on.” My gaze swings to Ellie when she bangs her spoon against her bowl of noodles. I shake my head slowly at her, letting her know that’s not okay.
She grins that same toothy grin, then shovels a heaping bite of mac and cheese into her mouth, a couple noodles falling down the front of her shirt.
I shake my head, not able to suppress the smile that tugs at my lips.
“Did Keira tell you she won tickets to the Hanover Festival at work today?” Lance directs the conversation into safer territory.
“No, she didn’t.” I pause a moment before asking, “What’s the Hanover Festival?”
“You’ve never heard of the Hanover Festival?” He hits me with a look of disbelief. “It’s only the biggest music festival in the entire state of Mississippi.”
“I take it you’ve been before?”
“I’ve been every year since I was eighteen.”
“So then you’ve been ten times.”
“Has it been that many years?” He thinks about it. “Wow, I guess it has. Hard to believe. Time just goes way too fast.”
“Yes it does,” I agree, glancing back at Ellie who is wearing more cheese on her face than she probably has in her stomach. Seems like only yesterday she was this tiny, fragile thing. Now she’s a spunky, bossy, very talkative three-year-old who seems to get a bigger personality with each day that passes.
“Anyway, tickets are really hard to come by. They sold out the day after they went on sale this year. I’m not even sure how Frank got his hands on two just three weeks before the