was from anger at her husband, embarrassment as the situation, or humiliation at discussing such a thing with her son. “It…it was bad.”
Her words were clipped, and I just prayed it wasn’t me she was pissed at. “That’s why you had such anxiety issues whenever I left town, isn’t it?”
I nodded. “I knew…how he was going to use his free time.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, Gage. But why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“I’m sorry, Mom.” And I really was. “I was young enough to believe him when he manipulated me into thinking that if I told you, it would ruin your happiness. He told me that he needed those other women because he loved and respected you too much to do to you what he did to those women.”
She let out barely-there whimper. “What did he do to those women?”
I shook my head. “You don’t need the details, Mom. Just know that it wasn’t…he wasn’t kind. Those weekends were…violent and ugly.”
Her face paled and her eyes watered. “Oh, Gage…”
“You had no idea and you were always so happy, I bought into his lies and manipulations. I…I didn’t want to be the one who ruined your life. I didn’t want to ruin your happiness,” I continued to confess.
“Oh, Gage, honey,” she cried. “My happiness wasn’t your responsibility, son. You never should have carried that burned. You never should have had to choose between my happiness and yours.”
“Mom, I love you,” I stressed. “I absolutely adore you. Your happiness wasn’t a burden to carry.” I shrugged a should. “Yeah, I’m fucked in the head a bit and…and I don’t have a healthy view of sex, but I’ll always choose you over me.”
Her face softened. “Then why tell me now?”
“Because, while I’ll always choose your happiness over my own, I’ll never choose your happiness over Mystic’s,” I admitted, feeling torn between the only two women in the world that I have ever loved. “I love you, Mom. You’re my mother, for fuck’s sake. But I love Mystic beyond all reason, Mom. You saw what losing her ten years ago did to me. I’m not sure I could survive it a second time.”
Her smile shown through her tears as she said, “And you won’t.”
The rest of the day was spent purging years of resentment and disappointment. I wasn’t sure where her marriage was headed, but, being the great mother that she was, we worked on getting Mystic back once her tears were dried.
Chapter 39
Mystic~
In the end, I’d gone back home.
Rowan had ended up taking me to a little park that led into a hiking trail. We hadn’t gone hiking, but we had stayed in the Lakeside visitor center, where we had eaten, drank, and enjoyed the quiet. It had been like going to a cozy ski cottage without the snow, the skis, or the cottage.
I had told her everything, and I do mean everything. Even though she already knew I had dated Gage in high school, and that I had been heartbroken about it, she hadn’t known the details. So, after a couple of drinks and a recap of how he had barged in on me and David, to give her a clearer picture of just why I was so confused and screwed-up in the head, I told her everything from the day Gage and I had met at our lockers.
She had been shocked, but she hadn’t turned judgmental. She hadn’t told me to leave him. She hadn’t told me to get help for my intimacy issues. She hadn’t told me I was wrong. Rowan hadn’t said much of anything. She had mostly listened and ordered the drinks when needed.
In the end, she had asked me if his sin of mimicking my parents was bad enough to go the rest of my life without him. She also admitted that she didn’t feel as if I’d ever find another Gage, and not only would I be spending the rest of my life nursing a broken heart if I walked away, but I’ll also never be truly sexually satisfied. And while good sex wasn’t everything, it was still rather important. She hadn’t shied away from the uncomfortable topic of mine and Gage’s sex life, either. She had admitted to not understanding the allure, but she also got turned off if a man’s eyebrows weren’t just so. Rowan chocked it up to different strokes for different folks. As long as I was safe, she didn’t care.
She also pointed out that, while Gage behaved like a jealous