the coolest guy on campus. It was only when he was looking at me that he’d let the real him shine through his eyes.
Or, maybe, I was the only one who could see it.
No matter. I saw pieces of him no one else saw or noticed, and he definitely saw through me and he had picked up on everything I’d been trying to hide since I was twelve.
While my life had been fairly normal and uneventful, there was one event that shined a light on just how messed up I was. I had gotten my period when I was twelve and Gretchen, my brother’s girlfriend at the time, had been the only girl at our house. Mom and Destiny had gone to Dez’s dance class to talk to her teacher. Gretchen had helped me look through my parents’ bathroom and we had been able to find both tampons and pads. I had opted for using the pads until I could talk to my Mom, but Gretchen hadn’t stopped there with her ‘help’ in getting me through getting my first period.
We had gone back to my room where she had thought it was a good idea to show a twelve-year-old porn. She had convinced me it was okay because I was officially a woman, but no. No twelve-year-old girl should ever be considered a woman. Unfortunately, it had been on my bed, as we watched porn on her phone, that I had realized something might be wrong with me. The videos Gretchen had shown me hadn’t been hardcore and had been relatively basic. I remember thinking how weird and boring it all seemed. I watched her as she had selected various videos, but they had all been the same; gross and stupid to my twelve-year-old mind.
It wasn’t until she had accidently clicked a link that had led us to the more aggressive videos that I knew I must be different. At first, I had been shocked and appalled at what we were seeing, but those feelings eventually had given way to curiosity. I had asked Gretchen to explain what we were seeing, and it was then that she had explained how some women liked rough sex. She had told me it was natural, but it hadn’t felt that way.
It still didn’t feel that way.
There’s rough sex, and then there’s what inspired me, and that went beyond rough. Girls were supposed to dream of romance; candlelight and rose petals. They were supposed to dream of a man who would cherish them. They were supposed to seek out love and adoration.
But I learned early on that I wasn’t attracted to any of those things.
I was attracted to darkness and I had no reason why that was. I couldn’t come up with a single reason why Gage Evan’s hatred turned me on more than Dillon Mills’ niceness.
I also knew I didn’t have one single good reason for the urges I knew enough about to try to avoid. There was something wrong with me, but I still didn’t know what it was or why.
“Hey, Margot,” Chance said as he and Gage approached me, Margot, and Dillon.
Margot smiled wide. “Hey, Chance,” she greeted back. “Gage.” I watched as Chance smiled back and Gage just gave her a head nod.
Dillon greeted the guys as well. “McQueen, Evans.”
Gage didn’t say anything, but Chance replied, “What’s up, Mills?”
I cowardly looked back at Margot, but she was staring at Chance as Dillon answered, “Nothing much. I was just about to go grab some more drinks.”
Margot and I had, both, been holding beers, but while Margot was drinking like a fish, I had been nursing my one beer all night. I knew there was a possibility Gage was going to show up with Chance, and I needed to be on my toes if he did. Good thing, too.
What happened next could have gone on a slow-motion reel. I hadn’t been expecting it since Dillon had been nothing but friendly-casual so far, but the second he grabbed my hand and threaded his fingers through mine, I could feel the energy around me change. I could feel Gage’s serious blue gaze laser in on Dillon’s hand in mine, even though I had been looking in Margot’s direction.
“Come on, Mystic,” Dillon said. “Let’s go get some more beers.” I stood frozen as he started walking towards the kitchen, stretching our arms out, so everyone could see him holding my hand. He tugged when I didn’t move. “Come on, babe,” he chuckled, and I could