we had. But we wouldn’t lose the house.
Strange how something like that is so much more tangible.
I think that’s why I haven’t been able to stop writing these letters. Even if no one ever reads them, they’re a physical reminder that you were near us once. Here are all your journals, by the way. Luca packed them in a box, and we debated about whether or not we should leave them somewhere you can find them, but he wasn’t ready to let go. Not until now.
We’re as okay as we’ve ever been, even missing you. It’s hard to miss something you’ve never had, and I sometimes worry that the fantasy of what might have been will taint any future that might exist beyond every one of these ‘love always’. But as my darling husband likes to remind me, I’m a creature of hope and habit.
I hope you’re doing okay. I hope London has treated you well—and wherever else you’ve ended up. I hope you think of us every now and again. At least a fraction of how often we think of you.
I hope your heart has stopped hurting as much.
Sometimes I’m surprised at how many of these I wrote, but thinking back now, it felt inevitable. You were too precious not to write down all the ways your absence made us feel. So here we are. I’m leaving these with Mason on campus, along with the rest of your journals and the mugs and everything else you left behind in the room that night. And it’s time for us to move forward.
We bought a new house. We’re taking a new step in life. And we miss you.
Love Always,
Sebastion
Sebastion hadn’t expected the prickle of bitterness in the sweet joy of walking into their new house for the first time with keys in hand. It was tempered by Ivy’s excited yips and Luca’s soft chuckles as he walked her from room to room. The place was smaller than their last one, the neighborhood less suburban. They’d bought a cottage on a wide expanse of property where Ivy could run to her heart’s content and not have to stress about strange dogs or strange faces. The new smells would become familiar, and this—at some point—would feel like home.
He found it amusing how settled Luca had been with the change for having not gone far. When he told Sebastion he wanted to move, he expected hundreds or thousands of miles between what was and what would be. Instead, Luca had fallen in love with the little three-bedroom place with the wrap-around porch and attic window that overlooked the street less than a hundred miles away.
There was no HOA, no nosy neighbors, no manicured lawns. The people across the street were growing squash and pumpkin, the massive leaves taking over the front, making it look like a witch’s garden. He wasn’t sure he’d ever entirely adjust to the change, but the light in Luca’s eyes when he looked around at their new home was enough.
“Did you get an update from the truck?” Luca asked, strolling into the foyer.
Sebastion dug his phone out of his pocket, but the screen was still empty. “They probably got stuck behind that accident.”
Luca pulled a face, then took his phone out and squinted at the screen. “I should go grab us lunch then.” He tugged Sebastion in close by the front of his shirt and brushed their lips together. “We can shop later after they drop everything off.”
Sebastion nodded and closed his eyes, letting the kiss deepen. It felt right again. They’d always feel the absence of what might have been if they’d come into Xan’s life at the right time instead of the wrong one, but it wasn’t as profound as before. The hardest part had been dropping the box of Xan’s things off at the chem lab with Mason. Sebastion had initially rebelled against the idea, but Luca had pointed out that it was the one place besides the house that Xan knew where to find either of them. And now that Sebastion had moved his practice to the next town and Luca had retired from teaching and was trying to figure out what the hell he really wanted to do with his life, it was their last option.
“Get something decadent,” Sebastion said, giving him one last quick peck on the lips. “We deserve it.”
And they did. They were covered in layers of sweat as they helped the movers haul all of their things into the truck, and