don’t need that right now—and if you prefer to get a car on your own and deal with it that way, then by all means. But please don’t say no because you think you don’t deserve it.”
“I hate when you do that,” Xan said, his voice cracking a little. “God, I’m…” Before Luca could cut in, he laughed. “Can you come get me? Can both of you come get me?”
“Yes,” Luca said in a rush. His heart started beating a mile a minute, and he stared at Sebastion with wild eyes. “We’ll be there soon. Text me where you’re at?”
“Yes. Can you,” Xan stopped, and his laugh was a little muffled. “Can Ivy come too?”
Luca chuckled, the sound on the verge of hysterical. “Yes. She can come too.”
“Cool. Okay. Um…see you in a few then?”
He hung up before Luca could say goodbye, but his phone buzzed a second later with the hotel name, and Luca dragged a hand down his face before pulling Sebastion close. “He wants to see us and Ivy. Just for a little bit.”
Sebastion smiled at him very softly. “Go get the journal and that really soft blanket your mom sent us last year. And that sachet of rose oil beads.”
Luca grinned, then kissed him one more time before he ran off to obey.
It wasn’t long before they were back in the car, Sebastion driving because Luca couldn’t focus well enough to get them there safely. Ivy was always a nervous passenger, but she laid more docile in the back than usual, and Luca wondered if she could feel his anxiety ratcheting up. He didn’t know what the hell he was going to say or do when Xan was close enough to touch, but he knew he had to let him take the lead.
“Do you want to talk about it before we get there?” Sebastion asked quietly.
They were less than five minutes away, which wasn’t nearly enough time to unload everything he was feeling in his chest. “I want to tell him.”
“Luca,” Sebastion breathed out.
“I know it’s a bad idea. But I don’t think he knows we want him, babe. I don’t think he knows it’s even a possibility.” Luca thought back to the way Xan talked about them, his jealousy over their marriage, how lucky they were to have found each other. And he didn’t think he’d ever mentioned that they dated other people.
“If we tell him, it’ll get in the way of his recovery,” Sebastion warned. “If he wants to be with us…”
“He does,” Luca said, and he knew Sebastion was aware of it. His husband was not dense.
“And if he knows it’s possible,” Sebastion went on, “he’s going to skip important steps, and it could set him back for years.”
Luca bowed his head, knowing Sebastion was right. He used to joke all the time about how he’d come at exactly the right time because Sebastion had been in a good place mentally—even if it had been a struggle for him to learn how to trust again. He’d been ready. He’d gone through enough that when things got rough, he relied on Luca instead of pushing him away completely.
And if Xan thought he was ready too soon, it would be over before it began.
“I hate that he might walk away thinking we don’t want him,” Luca said quietly.
“So do I, but it’s a risk we need to take.” Sebastion pulled up to the light right before the hotel and looked at him for a long moment. “It’s gutting me that I can’t take him into my arms and kiss him until he can’t remember what that asshole looked like. I hate that I can’t hold him and promise there’s something so much better down the line, because with us…”
“Yeah,” Luca breathed out, not wanting him to finish because his resolve was already being tested.
“Friends needs to be enough,” Sebastion said, and this time, it almost sounded like he was talking to himself.
Chapter Fourteen
L-
Just breathe. We’ve got this. I love you.
-S
Sebastion hadn’t been lying when he told Luca that it was gutting him to not be totally honest with Xan. When he saw the anguish on the other man’s face as he climbed into the car, it took everything he had not to get out and climb in back with him and hold him.
Instead, he followed the quiet, subdued directions from Xan and navigated the streets back to his apartment, determinedly refusing to stare in the mirror at how Xan was leaning on Ivy and how