Sebastion hired me to dog sit, not husband sit,” he quirked a grin when Luca chuckled, “but while I’m here, at least let me help.”
“Fine,” Luca breathed out. It was killing him in small bursts to be so close but remain unable to reach out, but he’d take it. Whatever small affections, whatever bits of his time Xan was willing to offer—he’d hoard them like treasure.
Chapter Nine
Dear Future Husband,
I’m in so much trouble. I wish you were here. And by that, I mean I wish the man in the next room was you.
But he isn’t.
Because he’s married to another man that I also can’t stop thinking about.
I never thought I could fuck up this bad, but here we are. I’m not sure I’ll ever deserve you.
Love Always,
Alexander
Xan woke up with the sun, confused by the strange bed and the strange smells. His eyes opened at the sound of singing and then at a dog howling along, and it all came rushing back. He was in Luca and Sebastion’s guest room because Luca had been injured at the lab, and Sebastion was out of town.
He was supposed to come over and feed the dog and give her pets and play pretend until Luca came home to be with his husband. Instead, he’d fallen asleep on the sofa and awakened to find Luca standing over him with his arm in a sling and a wide-eyed look of surprise on his face.
Xan immediately knew he needed to get the hell out of there. If he stayed any longer, he risked falling deeper, and it wasn’t fair to Luca or Sebastion. And it certainly wasn’t fair to himself. But Luca had looked at him with those sad puppy eyes, then later Sebastion called him to thank him for staying and taking care of Luca…
And he was fucked.
He was entirely and completely fucked.
They sat on the couch together after Luca finished his dinner. He was loopy on meds and beyond sweet. Ivy stretched out along their laps, and he put on some show about blowing glass that had them giggling like twelve-year-olds every time one of the contestants talked about how hot the glory holes were.
“I thought about visiting one,” Luca said, his eyes mostly shut, steps away from sleep. “My best friend in high school swore he got his dick sucked at a truck stop glory hole once, and I didn’t want to be outdone by him.”
“Shut up,” Xan said, and Luca chuckled, peering one eye open at him.
“I’m serious. I borrowed my dad’s car and drove to every fucking truck stop within a hundred miles, but all I found were filthy bathrooms and expired hot dogs. Up until the day he died, that fucker swore he was telling the truth.”
Xan’s stomach twisted in sympathy. “I’m so sorry.”
“Hmm?” Luca blinked sleepily, then waved him off. “Oh. I mean, shit happens, right? I hit like thirty-eight and suddenly people were dropping like flies.” He looked far off for a second. “Six days after his birthday. He had knee surgery from a torn…thingy. I don’t remember what it’s called. He threw a clot. He was dead before he got to the hospital.”
Xan couldn’t help but reach for him, and it seemed like Luca couldn’t help but lean into the touch. His cheek was both soft and rough with stubble as Xan cupped his face, and he never wanted to pull away. “Losing people sucks.”
“Yes,” Luca breathed out. He nuzzled against Xan’s palm for a moment, then snapped back like he realized what he was doing, and Xan swore there was a faint blush on his cheeks. “I should uh…I should get to bed. I think these pills are knocking me on my ass.”
Xan felt a surge of guilt. He had no place—no right—to touch him. “Do you need help?”
Luca offered him a crooked smile as he pushed to his feet, then snapped his fingers for Ivy who immediately slithered off the couch with a loud puppy yawn. “I’m good. But if you need anything, wake me up, okay?”
Xan was pretty sure it was supposed to be the other way around, but he nodded and watched him walk off. Ten minutes later, Sebastion called.
“Thank you for staying.”
Xan closed his eyes against the older man’s rough, quiet voice. “It’s no problem. I hate to think about him in pain and alone.”
“I don’t know what we did to deserve you,” Sebastion said on a sigh. “He told me you two were going apartment hunting tomorrow.”
Xan pinched his eyes shut