go over a bit of it with you, but as I recall you are excellent at research and fully capable of going through the material on your own."
I nodded, numb and still coming to terms with the fact that the image on the screen, the little blob of stubby arms and legs and an obvious head, was my baby.
"Next time you come, we should be able to tell the sex of the baby!" Dr. Stubens exclaimed. "Please tell me you want to know," she said.
J.J. looked at me. "What do you think?" he asked. Then, he grinned. "Never mind. You like to plan and make lists, so I'm pretty sure you'll want to know."
I nodded and realized I'd barely spoken since we came in here. "Yes, I want to know," I said to him.
"Wonderful!" Dr. Stubens exclaimed. "Well, here's a towel to clean up with. Once you get back to the room, go ahead and get dressed and come into my office, okay? We'll go over everything there."
With that, she left me alone with J.J. in that dim room.
"You okay?" he asked when the door shut behind her. "That was the first time you've spoken since we came into this room."
I started to nod but licked my lips. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just...trying to get my head on straight."
"I know what you mean," he said.
I sat up and glanced at the towel, then at him.
"Oh, uh, yeah. I'll turn my back, okay?"
I nodded and as soon as his back was turned, used the towel to wipe my belly one more time and then between my legs. I remembered seeing baby wipes on the wooden bench in the changing area of the exam room and suddenly understood what they were for.
I balled the towel up and got to my feet. "Done. There's baby wipes in the changing area, so I'll finish cleaning up when I dress."
J.J. opened the door for me and did the same when we reached the changing room. "I'm going to the restroom while you get dressed," he said. "I'll wait out here until you're done."
I nodded and went inside the room, shutting the door behind me. Once I was safely ensconced in the changing area, I sat on the wooden bench and exhaled hard.
I wasn't sure what to think about first—the fact that I was having a baby, one I was beginning to love and want more than I ever thought possible, or the realization that I was in love with my husband.
A husband I hadn't wanted or expected.
The only thing I knew with certainty was that I had no clue what to do next.
There was no plan for this. No list I could make to help me get through it.
Loving J.J. just was. There was no controlling it or managing it. I had to figure this out as I went along.
Which meant that I was probably going to mess it up.
16
It turned out that being in love with J.J. was a lot easier than I expected.
Mostly because he made it that way.
As our first week together slid into two, then three, I realized he wasn't putting on an act or trying to get on my good side.
J.J. had always been one of the best boys my brothers had brought home when we were young, and it seemed that he was one of the best men I knew now that we were adults.
Not that he was perfect. Lord, the man was far from it.
He left his shoes in the strangest places. Sometimes he would kick them off in random spots in the house. Once even my bedroom when he'd come in looking for me.
I'd learned to pay attention to where I was walking because I often tripped over them if I wasn't.
Then there was the fact that he had to have the remote for the TV in his hand at all times. Even when he asked me to choose what we were going to watch next. The remote didn't leave his hand, he would just scroll through the menu until I saw something I liked the look of.
You also couldn't argue with the man. He was reasonable all the time. And mule stubborn. That was how we ended up having our first semi-fight.
It was a semi-fight rather than an actual fight because he refused to argue with me.
One afternoon, J.J. came home early from work with a strange expression on his face.
I was sitting at the kitchen table, eating a snack and studying for an upcoming test. Okay,