make me jump, before a fast whooshing noise came out of the speaker. J.J. stood next to the table, his eyes glued to where the machine touched my skin.
"There you go. That's the baby's heart." Dr. Stubens smiled. "It's a quick one." She leaned toward me and said conspiratorially, "That usually means it's a girl, but don't take that as golden, okay?"
I nodded and bit my lip, tears forming in my eyes. Dr. Stubens seemed to take that as a reply and looked toward J.J.
"Wow," J.J. murmured.
I looked up at him when he spoke. He sounded awed, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"That's amazing," he continued. His hand found mine and squeezed before he looked from my belly to my face. "That's our baby."
The amazement in his eyes was what did it. His excitement and joy in hearing our child's heartbeat was obvious. I'd been fighting him every step of the way, struggling to keep a part of myself separate, just to prevent this moment.
The walls I'd built around my heart years ago crumbled and opened. I was in love with him and I'd done my best to convince him that our marriage was merely a formality and wouldn't last.
I had no clue what I needed to do next.
"Okay," Dr. Stubens said. "Let's just turn this off and get you cleaned up and then you can see the baby!"
J.J. released my hand and sat in the chair a few feet away, looking shell-shocked.
As the doctor cleaned the gel off my belly, she leaned over me. "That actually happens a lot. It's doesn't seem real until you can hear it or see it, does it?"
I shook my head at her, trying to be discreet as I wiped a couple of stray tears from my cheeks. She smiled at me and patted my shoulder. "Just take it as it comes, Lee. It will be okay."
She finished cleaning me up, pulled down my gown, and moved to the end of the bed where she sat on a rolling stool.
"Okay, boys and girls, let's get a look at this baby."
Dr. Stubens pulled out something she called a wand. My eyes got big when I saw how long it was and she smiled.
"Don't worry, Lee. It's not as scary as it looks and it doesn't hurt. I promise."
J.J.'s eyes were just as big as mine when I looked up at him. I bent my arm at the elbow and held my hand up to him. He stood from his seat and took it, still looking a little shaky.
"Now I really feel the need to apologize," he whispered.
I giggled but the sound was cut short by Dr. Stubens turning back toward us.
"At this stage, I could probably get a picture of the baby with an external ultrasound, but I prefer certainty, so we're going to take pictures and measurements internally today. Starting with your next visit, your ultrasounds will likely be external only. I say likely because I can't predict the future or possible issues you might have." She exhaled and smiled at us both. "That doesn't mean I foresee problems. Mom is young and healthy and Dad is, too. Now, are you ready to see the baby?"
We both nodded and Dr. Stubens helped me put my feet in the stirrups again but I was grateful that this time I didn't have to scoot down until most of my butt was hanging off the table.
"Okay, I'm inserting the wand now," she said.
I inhaled and exhaled, slow and easy, but as she'd promised, it wasn't painful or even uncomfortable. Just strange.
In a few seconds, I completely forgot about the peculiar feeling because she turned the screen more toward us and pointed to it.
I'd seen a few ultrasound picture examples online when doing my research on pregnancy, but this was different.
This was my baby. J.J.'s hand tightened on mine and I looked up. No, our baby.
Dr. Stubens was speaking but my brain had difficulty comprehending what she was saying. Something about pictures for us to take home.
What caught my attention was her voice when she said, "Well, I believe your calculations were correct, Lee. You're measuring right at twelve weeks. You've made it through your first trimester, which is wonderful." She hit a few keys on the keyboard and a strip of black and white images printed out from underneath. "Now, I'll let you get cleaned up and I have a bag full of pamphlets and information for you to take home and read. I'll