firm is the February date for me to move into the full-time manager position and start health benefits?"
They glanced at each other, some kind of non-verbal communication going on. It was Cam who turned to me and said, "We would love to do it earlier, but a lot of our funds are tied up in opening the new store early next year. Can we give everything another look and let you know in a few days?"
"Of course. I just wanted to ask."
Cam glanced at Sierra again and it was Sierra that asked, "Is something wrong? I mean, are you having problems with school or something?"
I shook my head, hoping the fact that I never actually lied out loud would make me feel less guilty in the long run. If I told them what happened, even if I left J.J. out of it, they would bend over backward to give me what I needed, even to the detriment of the business.
And I couldn't let them do that. Not just because it was important to them, but because it was important to me, too.
"If that changes, let us know, okay?" Cam said.
I nodded, once again choosing not to speak. This time because I would probably cry.
They may act crazy, but these women were smart and compassionate. I was lucky that I had the opportunity to work for them and, hopefully in the future, with them as an equal.
"Thanks," I said. "I'm going to clock in and get started."
They both nodded at me.
I left the office and settled in to work.
Part of me wanted to panic because I didn't know what I was going to do if the answer was no. I knew it would do me no good to freak out before I knew their answer.
When Mom and I had talked, she encouraged me to tell J.J. as soon as possible, not just because he deserved to know, but because he was a good man and he would want to help me in whatever way possible.
What scared me was how his idea of help might differ from mine.
Too bad I didn't have much choice about how he found out.
I spent the next week and a half trying to figure out how to tell J.J. that I was pregnant. He still texted me and even sent me a mini succulent to go with my collection on the screened-in back porch. Which made it even harder to keep my mouth shut.
Part of me wanted to wait until I finished the first trimester because there were no guarantees I wouldn't miscarry. I'd been doing enough reading online to know that a lot of women miscarried their first pregnancies. I wanted to go to the doctor for a preliminary exam, but I couldn't afford it, even if my OB was willing to see me. My online research had also told me most OB-GYN's preferred to wait until the last few weeks of the first trimester to see patients unless there was a problem. So, I was playing the waiting game.
I didn't want to freak J.J. out if it wasn't necessary.
It also seemed that my morning sickness was becoming random-times-of-the-day sickness. Yes, I still woke up nauseated, but it would often hit me again throughout the day and never at the same time.
I tried to hide it from Cam and Sierra, but it was impossible to hide the fact that you were bolting for the bathroom to yak at least once a shift, sometimes more.
God, I really hoped this faded after the first trimester because it sucked.
What sucked more was the day I nearly lost my cookies in the ice cream case. I'd carried a container of ice cream out from the freezer in the back and placed it inside.
As soon as I bent over with the ice cream, that horrible sick feeling rose in the back of my throat and I knew there was no way I was going to be able to hold it off. I slammed the lid of the case down, the ice cream container still sitting on top of another, and dashed for the bathroom.
Thank God it was a slow afternoon and the restroom was empty because I didn't even have a chance to shut the door behind me before I was bending over the toilet.
I saw a flash of movement out of the corner of my eye, but I was a little too busy to tell them to give me a minute.
Once the horrible spell was over, I used some toilet