My hands go onto the bar here and there.
I think I’m sorted. I’m standing on the base like I’m supposed to. Now, according to the pole dancer instructor woman, it’s all just a matter of pulling in one direction and giving it everything I’ve got.
Yanking hard with both arms while pushing off with my feet I catapult my entire body in a half circle through the air.
“Argh!” I scream.
I am now hanging upside-down and holding onto this blasted pole for dear life.
Why oh why didn’t I wait and watch for the instructor to say how the bloody hell I’m supposed to get back down? All the blood is rushing to my head. My eyes are going to pop clean out of their sockets from pressure! There’s nothing else for it, I’m going to have to slide down while upside-down!
Carefully, using all the strength I can muster, I loosen my leg and arm grip on the pole. Slowly but surely the top of my head slides towards the water-filled pole base. My muscles are screaming in agony as I try to keep my body from slipping.
It’s no use! “Argh!” I scream again as I go down.
My head skims the base and I manage to flip outwards. I land knees first on the carpet as my boobs bounce off the pole base.
I’m stunned. Absolutely shell shocked. I’m kneeling in front of the stripper pole and if someone were to walk into the sitting room right now they’d think I was simply meditating peacefully.
Little would they know that I’d just nearly risked cracking my neck and ending my own life one day before my wedding.
***
When the first call comes I’m wholly unprepared. “What do you mean you can’t make it to my wedding? You’re doing the bloody catering, Paige!”
“I’m sorry, Emily.” Her voice doesn’t sound very sorry down the phone. “Didn’t you get my text message?”
Text message? She’d tried to fob me off with a text message about the fact that the person who’d promised to deliver all my wedding food is suddenly cancelling. What a coward! I’m surprised she worked up the courage to even phone me like she has done now.
“But, Paige.” I start hyperventilating. “How am I going to sort out all the food without your help?”
“You’ll figure something out, I’m sure.”
Click.
The phone line goes dead. I stare at the screen utterly gobsmacked. Did she just hang up on me? I feel like I’m going to cry. What am I going to do? This is so last minute it’s not even processing in my brain.
Bring!
My phone goes off while I’m still holding it in my hands. Is it Paige calling to apologise and un-cancel her evil cancelling ways?
Looking down at the phone’s face I can clearly see it’s not Paige who’s calling. It’s Lara. Oh good. It’s my best friend. She’ll know how to help me with this most abysmal problem!
“Lara, you won’t believe what’s just happened!” I bellow into the phone without even saying hello.
“Just hang on a minute, Emily. I’ve got something I need to tell you.”
Emily? Did my best friend forever, who’s never called me Emily, just say my full name? There’s something fishy going on around here.
“I won’t be able to get your dress alterations in time for tomorrow. I’m sorry.”
My world collapses with every word she utters. I see a black shadow in front of my vision. It’s as though my brain is having trouble processing her words. I’m hearing the English language that Lara is speaking, but the emotional wave of chemicals that are being released into my mind is overwhelming my senses.
There’s a pause down the phone line. I think I hear a slight tremor in Lara’s voice just before she adds, “Emily, you could wear that lovely dress you wore to the picnic yesterday. Good bye.”
Click.
This can’t be happening. I must be dreaming that my best friend just cancelled my wedding dress and hung up on me. That’s two cancellations for the most important day of my life thus far in having lived. Something is horribly wrong with the universe.
When the phone rings this time I stare at it as though I’m peering through a kaleidoscope. My vision swims and colours ping abnormally in my peripheral. I’m so confused. So stressed. I can barely hear the ringing chime of the incoming call.
“Hello?” I croak upon answering.
“Hello?” Comes the voice from the phone. “Is that miss Gillam? This is Georgina from Mortsbaton Court. I’m sorry to have to inform you that we’re going