a look of terror on his features, turns, and attempts to bolt.
“What is wrong with you?” I shout at him. Before I even know what’s happening next, the sock-bag of weights I’m holding has somehow flown out of my hand. Did I throw that? I’m not sure but however the long thing became airborne, it’s doing a great job of sailing through the air like a fat-headed sock-snake.
Splat!
The sock-bag makes contact with Thomas’ blonde head of hair. He goes down screaming and plants it face first into the hard pavement.
“Oh my god!” A woman shouts.
“Oh shit.” I mumble and move forward. “Thomas? Are you all right?”
The boy sits up and I notice there’s blood on his lower lip. “I’m fine!” He yells and jumps to his feet. “Will you go out on a date with me for lunch now?”
“What? No!” Bloody hell. This kid is insane.
“Are you sure you’re all right, lad?” This from the woman who’d shouted earlier. She seems to be checking Thomas over like a worried grandmother. “I saw what she did to you.” The woman looks up at me.
“All that she’s done to me is to steal my heart.”
Splatting my face into my palm I decide I’ve had enough of this. I bend and pick up my sock-bag full of weights. “This is the last time I’m going to tell you this, Thomas. If I see you again it’s going to be a bat to the head instead.”
The worried woman gasps at my threat. Thomas smiles as though I’ve just said something nice, which I haven’t, but in his mind god only knows what he’s capable of twisting my words into mentally.
As I turn on my heel and stomp off angrily up the street I’m even cursing the blank electric box as I walk on by. Why couldn’t Rolland the Wizard be sitting up there watching out for pavement traffic right now? Maybe he could have stopped the crazy lady that is me from chucking a sock full of weights at an innocent boy’s head.
Why is it that no matter how positive my days begin lately, they nearly always end in tears?
Chapter 17
Today’s cloudy weather doesn’t really do anything to improve my spirits on this hazy morning. Although, the news Brenda has brought with her might just be the cheering I need.
“I think it will do the both of you some good. You deserve a break from all this wedding planning anyway.”
“Yes but, Mum.” Callum sort of whines across the breakfast countertop. “Isn’t couples orienteering for people who have problem relationships?”
Brenda isn’t very quick to answer her son and I’m wondering if her lingering tactics are a way of making me think that she thinks we are having relationship problems. Of course this is absolutely ludicrous. Callum and I are about to be married for chrisake. We couldn’t be fucking happier, thank you very much.
I don’t know why I let my thoughts run away with me so easily lately. When I look at Brenda again I’m pretty sure she wasn’t just thinking all of that in the slightest.
“Not at all, son. It’s an aggressive course that will give the both of you some much needed exercise.”
“But it rained last night. It will be so muddy at Eastnor.” Callum seems quite whingey even to me now.
“Come on, honey,” I boast. “It will be fun. And what’s a little mud anyway? We both have wellies.”
“I don’t think you know just how muddy it is in the back woods out there. Don’t you remember how muddy Vince’s four-by-four gets after those annual off-roading events he does?”
Vince is my fiancé’s mate. He’s not just any mate though, they’ve been friends since nursery when one of the two pushed the other down a miniscule foot long baby slide. Neither Callum or Vince can remember the incident properly and they constantly bicker over who pushed whom, to this very day. Vince is going to be Callum’s best man at our wedding. When Vince had suggested hiring a stripper for my fiancé’s stag do, I’d said no. I still haven’t told Callum about the fact that “my stripper” had turned out to be my cousin’s boyfriend, because I haven’t even told him about the incident at all. It was a surprise from Lara, the stripper thing, so I’m not to be held responsible for any body parts that may or may not have been shaken into my face.
As for any titty shaking being done in my fiancé’s face. No way is that happening.