got a better idea. Why don’t we both go into an Ann Summers dressing room and I’ll get you properly fitted.”
“Oh you silly man!” Swatting him away playfully, I duck into the bathroom. “That’s a sex toy shop. The only bras I’ll get in there are pushups!”
“Exactly my point!” Callum shouts as I shut the door in his face with a laugh. Little does he know that I’m fully expecting plenty of Ann Summers gifts tonight from my hen do partner in crime.
If there’s anyone who knows a thing or two about bachelorette parties, it’s Lara. After all, she is a bridal gown seamstress.
***
“This taxi journey seems rather long, Lolz.” We are both sat in a black cab and by the looks of things out the window, I’d say we’re not off to the nearby Whetherspoons pub. “I thought you meant we were just going to Spoons tonight.”
“You thought wrong, my dear.” There’s a naughty twinkle in Lara’s eye.
When the taxi pulls up to the curb outside Bushwackers night club in Worcester, I shake my head in consternation. “I didn’t even want a hen do and now you’ve gone all out on a night club evening?”
“Just you wait and see, girlfriend!” Lara snaps her fingers and arcs her arm through the air like that flamboyant gay guy off the eighties film Mannequin. A movie her and I have watched many a time after particularly painful breakups and such.
She pays the driver and together we hop out of the cab. Arm in arm we make our way towards the night club entrance. Just as I’m about to pass the big bald burly bouncer, who’s wearing an ill-fitting tight black suit, Lara steers me to the left. The bouncer with the shaved head winks at her and she responds with a massive eyelid squashing of her own, complete with an open mouthed grin.
“What’s going on?” As we clickity clack our way across the outside courtyard cobblestones, I’m bursting with curiosity.
Lara sighs loudly. “I should have blind folded you and gagged you like a proper hen do kidnapping.”
“Um… I beg your pardon? Since when is gagging part of the bachelorette process?”
Lara bursts out laughing and frankly so do I. We both know full well that gagging of any kind is for a different sort of hen do party!
“Let’s get this party started, shall we?” I’m shepherded down a winding stone staircase.
“But the main dance floor is—”
“Surprise!” My question is cut short by mega screaming as soon as we enter the basement party lounge. I am indeed surprised. Lara has invited all of our friends! Not only that, but Anika and Paige are here too.
“I hope you are having a diabolical hen do, boss lady!” Anika shouts over the loud music. I’m sure she doesn’t mean she hopes I have a terrible bachelorette party, I’ll just remind her to look up the definition to the word diabolical again tomorrow.
I air kiss-kiss all my lady friends near their cheeks as we’re all settled at a long table that’s been set up down the length of the room. “Did you book this entire room?” I ask Lara who’s seated to my right as I’m at the head of the table.
“Of course I did! Waiter!” She snaps her fingers again and I become instantly out of my mind with shock.
To the right, along the wall is the red lit neon bar, and just beyond that is a door way through which three shirtless waiters now walk.
“Wooooooo!” Every woman at the table starts screeching in pleasure.
“Oh my…!” Words cannot escape my lips. Probably because I’m covering them with a surprised hand.
The waiters, whose trays are laden with cocktails, gracefully attend to us. The shiny black trousers they’re wearing are tight and the only other things on their muscly torsos are black bow ties around their necks.
The most tanned waiter of them all bends close to me as he places a salt-rimmed margarita onto the table in front of me. “Enjoy.” He whispers in my ear and I feel my face flush with blood of embarrassment.
“Ha!” Lara bellows and chinks her glass with mine. “Cheers to that and a whole lot more, babe!” She winks at me, then whacks the topless waiter on his arse as he departs.
Exclamations of, “woooo hooooo yeah!” erupt around the table for the rest of the evening. I’m given cocktail after cocktail and eventually I stop thinking about ruining my diet all together. I was right when I thought I’d be getting a gift