I did this to myself, digging the hole deeper and deeper.
There’s no way Kat will stay when it all goes down. I knew this day would come but I thought if I just didn’t say it out loud, it would all go away.
Wishful thinking.
The day of reckoning is coming.
Chapter Fifteen
KAT
Never trapped, never alone,
This city never sleeps.
Even in the daylight,
The sins are left to creep.
They tempt me and pull me,
And make me feel alive.
My mouth is dry, my body hot.
In temptation regrets will thrive.
My iPhone lights up as I push the top button and check the time again, and then the date. I’m anxious for this meeting and I’m not usually like this. But then again, I’m anxious all the time now.
Evan hasn’t come home; he isn’t talking to me. It’s been four days and each day I feel like I need to cave more and more. I just need him back.
A huff leaves me and I shake my head at the thought. Breakups are always hard, but that’s what this is and there’s only one way to move on and that’s to get it over with.
I don’t want to be in our townhouse, but I have nowhere else to go and I can’t sleep. I didn’t know how much I wanted him there until he was gone. Maybe it’s because it was his own decision. Maybe that’s why it hurts so much.
An easy breath leaves me as I stand behind the only woman in line at Brew Madison and tilt my head to read the sign on the back wall. All they have to offer is written in chalk, although the large, glass-covered shelves house all the treats they have available. From small pastries to toasted breakfast sandwiches, there’s something for everyone.
I haven’t had much of an appetite either, but every sip of my coffee this morning made me nauseated, so a blueberry muffin top it is.
The brunette curls of the woman in front of me swing from side to side as she talks. I can’t see her face, but I know she’s young. From her bright red high heels and black leather jacket paired with white shorts a bit too short for fall, she’s definitely a downtown girl.
I smile at the thought as she waits for her coffee, pumpkin spice.
I used to be like her. Stylish and in charge of my destiny. New to the city and ready to tame it.
And my God, I thought I had.
A career and reputation in this publishing industry that I reached within only a few years. I’m an agent worth my weight in gold and everyone knows it. Married to a man who still drips of sex appeal and has an edge to him that is irresistible. A townhouse near Madison Square Garden. Even if it is small, it’s the closest we could get. And it’s New York, so location is everything.
And my closet … the girl in front of me would kill for my closet. Not that she would know it based on how I’m dressed now.
My name had a purpose and strength to it that made me proud. Evan and I were a powerhouse in the social scene. The couple everyone wanted to be. But envy comes with threats and in its nature, ruins. Rumors and gossip created a wedge between the two of us.
In the last few years, the highs of this world have crashed as my marriage slowly dissolved.
And I let it. I spent my life not living it, wanting more and more from my work. Running as fast as I could, just to stay still while I ignored every other change in the world around me. How could I not have seen it deteriorating?
As the woman turns and I get a look at her cateye makeup that’s subtle enough to still be businesslike and red lips that match her heels, I remember that feeling that used to flow through me. The one that said I could conquer anything.
Yeah, I used to be like her. I still have the heels and even the stylish clothes, although I lean toward professional and those shorts sure as shit don’t say that.
“What can I get you?” the young man asks me from behind the counter. He’s got to be in his early twenties at most. I catch a glimpse of his sleeve tattoo and it reminds me of Evan’s for only a moment.
“A chai and a blueberry muffin top,” I answer him and reach for my card in my wallet. It’s a