rain and chill of the pending fall in the air.
As the shop door opens with a small chime and the busy sounds of the street flood into the small space for a moment, I think of how to answer her.
And I don’t know what to say.
I think he cheated on me.
I think he’s sorry and he regrets it.
I think he loves me.
And I feel like a fool for still loving him and wanting him.
That’s what I think as I look around the small coffee shop, taking in every detail of the white chair rail and tan walls. The framed photographs of abstract coffee pots and coffee beans keep my attention a little longer. I’ve never really noticed them before. This place is so familiar, yet I couldn’t have described any of these details if someone had asked me. I’ve been coming here for years for work and yet I’d never cared enough to look at what was right here in front of me.
“Why would he lie to you?” Maddie asks, pulling my attention back to her. “I just can’t imagine Evan doing this.” My shoulders rise with a deep intake of breath as I pick at the small, square napkin on the table. I roll the tiny piece I’ve ripped off between my finger and thumb, watching as it crumples into a small ball.
“I don’t know,” I answer softly. I can feel all the overwhelming sadness and betrayal rise up and make my throat tighten as I try to come up with a response. “Maybe I’m stupid, but I can’t remember him ever lying to me before.” I swallow thickly and flick the tiny ball onto the table. “Not like this.” Defeat drips from my words.
“Sorry,” I tell them and wipe under my eyes, hating that I’m even bothering to cry. “I tried not to let it …” I can’t finish. I watch as the rain batters the large glass window in the front of the shop and I internally slip my armor back on.
“Don’t you dare be sorry,” Sue says with a strength that pulls my attention back to her. Her blunt blonde hair sways as she leans forward, moving closer to me and speaks with an undeniable authority. “If you want to cry, cry. If you want to scream, do it. Whatever you need to do, just let it out.”
Maddie nods her head in my periphery, but I can’t do the same.
What if I want to deal with it by falling into his arms and letting him lie to me? I know it’s not okay, yet that’s all I want. I want him to fight for me. I want him to love me. I want to forgive him, even if he won’t admit what he’s done.
And that makes me a coward and a pathetic excuse for a modern-day woman, doesn’t it?
The snide thought makes me turn my attention back to the dreary state of affairs outside. The clouds have set in and the sky quickly turns dark.
“This is shit weather for our first meeting,” I say out loud, not really meaning to.
“Way to turn the conversation,” Sue says as she picks up her coffee cup and takes a sip. Her light blue eyes stare back at me as she drinks and it almost makes me laugh. Almost.
“So you’re meeting your client here?” Maddie asks, gracefully accepting my invitation to talk about anything else. I’ve never loved her more than in this very moment.
I nod my head, still not trusting myself to speak and take a drink from the cup in front of me. I forgot it was pumpkin spice and I nearly spit it out, surprised by the flavor, but then I swallow it down. It’s not so bad.
Maddie pulls her dark brown, curly hair over her shoulder and scrunches her nose as she takes in my expression. “You don’t like pumpkin?” she asks, raising a brow in disbelief.
“It’s okay,” I answer her straight-faced and Sue erupts with a laugh that catches the attention of an elderly couple behind us. Her good humor is infectious and I find myself smiling. This is what I need. To talk and think about something else. Anything else.
“I’ll get you something else,” Maddie offers as Sue starts to speak. “Just regular? Cream and sugar?”
“Well, you look professional,” Sue says with a nod.
“Thanks, but don’t worry about it, Maddie. It’s good.” I wave off her concern and take another sip. “I just need some caffeine.”
“Trouble sleeping?” Maddie asks and I just nod my