lid on the cup, then decided he didn’t care if the other man was going to judge him. “He’s my best friend’s dad. His name is Fredric.”
“The…the blind guy,” Preston said, and Ilan winced because he hated more than anything when Fredric was reduced down to that. “Sorry,” he amended. “But that’s who you mean, right?”
Ilan shrugged. “Like I said, it’s not an option, but I also can’t shut it off.”
“How long have you been in love with him?”
Ilan’s mouth dropped open to deny that it was love. At least, it wasn’t being in love, but the words would be a lie, and he was tired of that. “I think it’s recent. Or…at least, I just realized it recently. He was married for a long time, and I just never…god, the thought just never entered my mind, you know? Even when he told me he was getting divorced, I just assumed he’d meet some nice divorcée at a country club somewhere, and they’d move to Santorini and forget all about us except on holidays.”
Preston chuckled. “That’s very…”
“Ridiculous, I know,” Ilan groaned. “I guess I never did think straight when it came to him. But I never let myself go there, then I found out he was living here and dating men, and…” He swallowed thickly. “He asked me to teach him how to date.”
“Oh. Shit,” Preston breathed out, and Ilan nodded miserably.
“I said yes, because I’m a fucking moron, and then last night things got weird.”
“Weird enough that you’re walking on tip toes to check who’s at your door?” Preston asked.
Ilan leaned forward so far, his head thumped the table. “I’m so fucked. I couldn’t face him today.”
He startled when he felt a hand touch his wrist, but he didn’t look up. “Does he know?”
“I don’t think so,” Ilan said, and it was his one single blessing in this shit-show. “I think he thought I was just trying to be nice or humor him or something. So, before I see him again, I have to get my shit together.”
“Or,” Preston said, then paused until Ilan finally raised his head, “you could talk to him and see how he feels.”
At that, Ilan snorted and sat back, crossing his arms. “Even if he was interested—and believe me, he’s not—my best friend would murder me. He’d somehow find a way to materialize here all the way from Paris so he could stab me in my bed.”
Preston pulled a face. “I could see how that would get complicated.”
Ilan shrugged, then glanced out the window and let himself feel all the raging chaos his emotions were causing. “I am sorry, by the way. I shouldn’t have taken the call, and I should not have run out on you.”
Preston made a soft, sympathetic noise. “Yes, you should have. I try not to make a habit out of dating guys who are in love with other people. I like you—a lot. But not that much.”
“Fair,” Ilan said, and it was, because he couldn’t even say the same thing. Preston was nice, but he didn’t feel anything, and the man deserved better. “I owe you for the coffee.”
Cocking his head to the side, Preston stared at him a long while, then shook his head. “Tell you what—if you come across someone hot and eligible, send him my way. Then we’ll call it even.”
“Long term material?” Ilan asked.
“Marriage material,” Preston corrected, and it only solidified Ilan’s choice—because that was most definitely not, and never would be, him.
Ilan could easily write a book titled, How To Make Two Weeks Feel Like Two Years. Not that anyone would buy it, but it would probably make good research material for scientists who studied the relative passage of time. Or whatever it was called. Because Ilan was giving himself space from Fredric—which meant not answering his texts or calls and only keeping an eye on them to make sure it wasn’t an emergency.
But the seconds felt like minutes, and the minutes felt like hours, and those felt like months. He was lonelier than ever, and he’d run out of things to amuse himself. He’d gained at least a quarter of an inch on his arms from all the paddling he’d done on the water, and his calves were in the best shape of his life from the beach runs.
But his heart was still battered, and his ego bruised, and he wasn’t any closer to solving his problem of how to be around Fredric without giving himself away. It didn’t help that staying away