and I’m whispering to Cally outside the ceremony room, keeping her calm.
‘It looks like most of Cornwall is in there.’
Holly, the photographer for the day, has gone in ahead of us to join Jules, dropping my bag off for me under my seat on her way, and I’m filling in the seconds as we wait outside the huge double doors. We’ve already noted that the taffeta chair covers and chiffon bows are the right colour of burnished gold and now we’re peeping past a monumental triple pedestal floral arrangement that’s so huge it would suit a lamp post more than a hotel to the sea of dark jackets and exotic hats beyond.
‘And I barely know any of them.’ Cally blows out a breath and clutches her tummy. ‘I feel sick.’
‘So long as it’s only nerves.’ I give her hand another squeeze. ‘The moment you hear the Truly Madly Deeply entrance music start up you’ll be fine.’ We were singing it at the tops of our voices in the lift on the way down to keep Cally calm. I’ll be your dream, I’ll be your wish, I’ll be your fantasy … You don’t get a more romantic opening line than that.
Penny the coordinator comes to join us. ‘The Master of Ceremonies is announcing you now, if you’re ready.’ I give Cally’s fingers a last squeeze then Penny gets hold of my shoulders and squares me up to the doorway. ‘So, here comes the bridesmaid, remember to walk nice and slowly. One, two, three … off you go!’
I’ve got one foot moving forwards through the air when Cally’s fingers clamp on my shoulder.
‘Wait!’ She rounds on the wedding coordinator. ‘It’s the wrong music! That’s not Savage Garden!’
I let out a groan. ‘Oh, crap, of course it’s not.’
Penny’s eyes pop open. ‘Savage what? Patricia was definite about Vivaldi’s Four Seasons.’ She’s shaking her head. ‘If there were fewer guests, you’d have had the full orchestra not the CD.’
And eye-rolls to that! I’m looking at Cally. ‘Do you mind?’
Cally pulls a face. ‘It’s not ideal, but I’m here because I love Nigel …’
Sure, it’s a first-world problem, but I’m so cross I’m talking through clenched teeth. ‘But it’s Cally’s day, Penny. It’s down to you to get this right for her.’
Penny’s shrugging. ‘Sure, I could stop it and we can go again when I find the right music … but it will totally spoil it.’ Her hiss hangs like a threat in the air, then she adds another blow. ‘By which time the registrars will be out of time too.’
And then there’s a forceful shove in the small of my back, and with no input from me my legs are moving and the ceremony is happening regardless.
As I carefully put one foot in front of the other my sandals are sinking into a regal maroon carpet stretched along a very, very long aisle and there are so many faces on both sides, all turning to look at me. And instead of Cally’s dreamy wishes and fantasies she’s getting very uptight and rather screechy violins.
Then I catch a glimpse of the blond head that must be Nigel and take in his broad shoulders, and as he turns his face breaks into the warmest smile. If that’s what’s waiting for Cally, I suddenly see why she doesn’t mind about any of the rest. Hands up anyone else who wouldn’t mind marrying Chris Hemsworth’s body double.
You’ve no idea how long it takes me to walk the length of the room. By the time I’m far enough forward to see the registrars, Vivaldi is really ramping it up. As I draw level with the awesome Nigel, I send him a little hello wave and a thumbs up because I know how beautiful Cally looks. Then I get straight on with checking what the hell Patricia’s done to the buttonholes. So long as you overlook the gold-sprayed berry bunches, they seem to be pretty close to the white roses and eucalyptus sprigs Cally’s expecting.
In terms of wedding stress my tummy’s had a fair few lurches this morning. But as I spot the satin underneath Nigel’s buttonhole my heart does a little pause again. It’s only short, but it’s long enough to nudge my brain and send my head into overdrive rattling through the memory banks for where I’ve seen a similar lapel before. And as a groomsman appears to point me to a seat on my own on the left-hand front row and I get a full frontal view