That’s the only reason he managed to escape and work in the States. But that’s why the family have an iron grip on the arrangements.’
Over the years I’ve come to understand – not every wedding is blissful and romantic. Wedding days are wired to be exciting and heart-filled, but add in strong characters with opposing ideas, and they quickly become power struggles. There are a lot more horror stories than you’d imagine.
This is another thing I’ve been dying to ask. ‘Is anyone on your side coming – apart from me?’
Cally gives a wistful smile. ‘I’m an only child, my mum’s asthma is too bad for her to fly, and my two best women friends are seven and eight months pregnant. We’re having the wedding party we really want once we go back home again.’ She lets out a sigh. ‘I ended up pouring my heart out to Jess one day on the phone, and her idea of having you to help, Milla, has saved my sanity.’
‘You can definitely count on us.’ Forget carrying tissues, I might be taking out the mother of the groom.
Cally puts a hand on her waist. ‘I might have managed, if it weren’t for …’ She breaks off and looks at the tape measure hanging around Sera’s neck.
I step in because it’s happened to me so often this last year. ‘We all know what it’s like to hit the cookie dough Haagen Dazs to bust the stress and wake up ten pounds heavier.’ Actually, looking round at the other lean people in the room, they probably don’t know at all, but whatever.
Cally winces, then she lowers her voice. ‘Actually, it’s top secret – but I’m pregnant. It wasn’t planned but we’re really happy. I just didn’t count on expanding so fast.’ As she pushes back her hair there are sweat beads on her forehead. ‘But his family can’t know, or they’ll only think it’s proof I’ve trapped him.’ Her voice is rising. ‘His mum is already frosty – one whiff of this and she’ll turn into the ice queen.’
It’s one tiny ‘p’ word, but it’s still enough to bring all the awful memories from nine months ago flooding back. But even so, my heart goes out to Cally. ‘How have you been feeling?’ I mean, the first three months are notorious, even superwoman Phoebe didn’t escape the all-day nausea. ‘Are you drinking plenty of ginger tea and nibbling on bread sticks?’
That sunny morning last summer when I came into the office with the usual takeaway coffees, and instead of diving on them Phoebe just winced … then marched out. Then came back an hour and a half later looking like death and sipping a bottle of iced Fentimans lemonade. That’s another moment etched on my brain like a silver nitrate photo negative.
Before that I think Phoebe was scared that Ben might wake up one day and slip straight back to where he’d come from. But even though the pregnancy finally slammed the door on Ben ever changing his mind, and however desperate she’d been to make it happen, I still suspect that on that particular day the enormity stunned her before it delighted her.
She confirmed the news later that week by throwing a Clearblue pregnancy test stick in the office bin, then sat for a full three hours before she finally went off to pee a second time and left me alone with it. After everything that had come before, this was like an extra kick in the guts. For a while, the only way I could cope with it was to pretend it wasn’t happening.
Cally’s eyes are lighting up. ‘You didn’t say you had kids, Milla?’
I can feel Poppy at my side giving my elbow a sympathetic squeeze. And standing there in the studio it hits me how much I wanted that to be me.
I take a moment. Swallow hard. ‘No, it was someone I shared an office with.’ Poor Cally, it’s not her fault. ‘You’re safe with me though, I know all the cheats.’
Needless to say Phoebe turned out to be the kind of pregnant person who couldn’t lift a finger and had to have every last cream cracker carried to her. It wasn’t that I wanted Ben back – I didn’t. But rather than me being reminded every time she retched or went pale that she was getting the cosy family I’d wanted, it was in everyone’s interest for me to keep her feeling as well as I could. A constant supply of