subject myself. "Saint...I don't want my life decided for me. Whatever plan you have-"
"It is a fairly simple one. All of us will attend Yale together – I would have preferred Princeton all in all as it offers the best music program out of all the Ivy League colleges, but Yale is only second to that and although the sports department is not quite as proficient as Harvard, no doubt Blake will bring their football team up in the rankings with a little investment or two from his father. There is also a fantastic art division for Kyan as he will no doubt refuse to take on anything more academic, but the frat parties alone will be enough to ensure his contentment. From a little research, I have pulled Nash’s job application from the school’s online server and discovered that he has a surprising aptitude for history, so he may choose their classic Greek civilisation course or perhaps he will opt for a broader spectrum of study. As for you, I am aware you have made little suggestion that you have thought about college, so I decided on Yale as the optimum option as it is within just two miles of New Haven Harbour. And though I am well aware it is no Californian beach-”
“Saint,” I tried to stop him, but he barrelled on.
“And don’t worry about exam pressure. If our grades don't talk, money will. Nash can attend as a mature student and I have already put an offer in on a newly built fraternity house – to my exact specifications - where the five of us can reside. You will have a choice of courses, I have a course pack you can look through when you're ready, but might I suggest you look at their English division as you have quite the aptitude for-"
"Saint," I cut him off more firmly, shaking my head. "Look, I never planned to go college, okay? I don't even know what I want to do with my life yet, but I know there's no school subject I'm passionate enough about that I'd go to college for. All I ever really dreamed about was..." I glanced away, unsure if I wanted to share one of my innermost secrets with Saint. Not when he still held my sister's letters from me. Not when there were still so many trust issues between us that I wasn't sure if I'd ever get past them. But I could see he wasn’t going to let this go if I didn’t explain myself. I sighed. “I just want something of my own, somewhere I love where I can put down roots and stop moving from state to state. Lately I’ve been thinking about starting a business…maybe training girls in self-defence. I could purchase a gym by the beach.”
He considered my words with a stoic expression before nodding once as he made some assessment then strode into his closet. I took a moment to rub my tired eyes and when I opened them again, Saint was standing before me with Jess's letters in his hand. He held them out to me, his eyes firmly on mine as he gave them up. I hunted for the joke in his eyes, certain he wouldn't really be giving me them, but I didn't waste time staring, I grabbed them from him and hugged them to my chest.
It felt like getting a piece of myself back as I clutched onto them and guilt stirred in my gut over the fact that I hadn't written a letter to Jess in a long time. But it had felt like giving Saint more ammo to use against me if he found them.
He kicked off his shoes and got onto the bed, sitting beside me and I looked to him, waiting for an explanation. Silence stretched and a muscle worked in his jaw as he seemed to be thinking up what to say. Maybe he was struggling with putting it into words. He knew the value of giving these back to me. It didn't make it right that he'd taken them in the first place, or that he'd made me believe he'd burned them, but he'd just handed over his leverage on me.
"When I first met Blake, he irritated the fuck out of me," Saint said, surprising me with the direction of conversation he'd taken, but I stayed quiet to see where he was going with this. "My father thought it would be good for me to join a