gasped, faux-offended. “I would never do such a thing.” He paused. “That’s a good idea, though.”
I swatted at him. “You’re an evil genius.”
“No, just evil.” Joker caught my hand and kissed my knuckles.
“Or just a genius,” I said.
Joker rolled his eyes.
“Really,” I said.
Joker said nothing, just kissed my knuckles again, looking suddenly lost in thought. I knew this was something he still struggled to believe, even as he kept stacking up achievements within the club. He’d always struggle with his confidence as long as he struggled with his own literacy.
“Listen,” I said. “I got something for you, too. But it’s not…” I sucked my teeth.
Joker blinked at me curiously. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, it’s just… I don’t want you think I have any expectations about anything,” I said. I grabbed my jacket and rooted around the inner pocket until I found the pamphlets I’d asked Heath about, then handed them to Joker.
I cuddled close to him as his gaze tracked over the pamphlet, a small, confused furrow in his brow.
“It’s about the adult literacy courses at the community college,” I said. “I know Heath mentioned them before, but sign-ups are starting soon for the spring semester, and I thought you might want to go.”
Joker nodded a little, flicking his gaze up from the pamphlets to meet mine. And he didn’t look stiff, or defensive, or even scared. Just a little curious. Maybe unsure. That gave me the confidence to keep going. I leaned my head on his shoulder.
“All the classes are held in the evenings,” I said. “So it wouldn’t mess with your schedule too much. And then if you wanted to, you could keep taking courses and get your GED. Only if you wanted to. It doesn’t matter to me—I love you no matter what you choose to do. But I know it bothers you, and I want you to feel confident, you know? You’re so smart. I don’t want this to hold you back.”
“Thank you,” Joker said quietly. “I… you know, Heath mentioned it. But all I could think was… How the fuck am I going to sign up if I can’t even figure out the forms?” He laughed a little darkly. “Shit like that. I’m tired of having it run my life.”
“I can help you sign up,” I said. “If you want.”
“Yeah,” Joker said. “Yeah, I want to.” Then his expression brightened into a smile as he turned his head to kiss me. “You going to help me with the class, too?”
“Maybe,” I teased. “What kind of help do you have in mind?”
“Hm, I’ll need help studying, I’m sure. Maybe some quizzes? Some encouraging rewards when I do well? In the form of blowjobs or stripteases?”
I barked a laugh, then took the pamphlets out of his hands so I could crawl on top of him and kiss him for real. “I think that could be arranged.”
He carded a hand through my hair. “Then I’m in. I’ll sign up tomorrow.”
“I know I keep saying it,” I said, “but goddamn, I’m proud of you. Proud to be yours.”
“I love you,” Joker said softly.
“Love you, too,” I said with a smile.
The sign, the renovations, the charity—Joker had finally opened his heart to the club, and they’d become his strength in return. They’d given him the strength to open his heart to me. I smiled as he settled into sleep in my arms. Tomorrow I’d help him sign up for the course, and then he’d help me hang the carving he’d done in my office.
After that, who knew? All I knew is that I was excited for whatever was laid out ahead of us, knowing I’d have Joker by my side for it all.
26
Nix
I leaned against the back wall of Ballast, pushed my glasses up on the bridge of my nose, and then crossed my arms over my chest. Saturday nights at Ballast were getting busier and busier, so I worked the back door, while Gunnar bounced out front, and Star lingered behind the bar. The bar was bustling, as per usual, with citizens of Elkin Lake, some students from the nearby community college, and plenty of members of the club from both chapters.
Dawson was here again, sitting alone at the bar nearby, his back to me as he worked methodically through his fifth or sixth beer. He didn’t seem to be doing much of anything else—he had his phone on the bar in front of him, and occasionally he’d rake a hand through his tousled blond hair, but he seemed focused mostly