I wanted to be strong—for them, and for Parker. I thought the best thing I could do for our family was to… to not need anything. To be self-sufficient, to take some of the burden off my parents.”
I rubbed my chin, stunned to silence. Even as a kid, he’d only been thinking about how to help. How he could support his family without asking for any support of his own.
“But, you know, in hindsight I can see how much I needed my parents,” Joker said with a sigh. “And how much they ignored me. So after Parker passed away, we just… drifted apart. Because we didn’t have any real relationship without Parker to connect us.”
I nodded. “I get that. They weren’t there for you when you needed them most.”
Pain flashed across Joker’s face. “No one was, really. But I made it through. Because I know Parker would’ve wanted me to.”
I couldn’t believe he was sharing this with me, but it seemed like it might be a relief for him, like it was something he’d really needed to talk about for a long time. And now he finally had the opportunity. And I was honored that he trusted me enough to share this with me.
And he wasn’t asking me to fix anything, or change anything, or solve his problems. He was just sharing.
He’d been alone for so long. Even when he was with his club, because he was carrying this burden by himself. I hadn’t realized just how good I had it with my parents until he talked about his. My parents were so open and supportive, and treated me and my sisters the same, and I’d always known I could rely on them when I needed help. Joker had never had that growing up—he’d only had himself.
“But, you know, I turned out all right,” Joker said with a short, serious nod. “I’m doing this, I’ve got the club, and I’ve got this—well, it’s not much.” He wrinkled his nose. “Never mind.”
I leaned a little further over the table. “What? You’ve got what?”
“It’s a small charity,” Joker said, almost shyly, curling his hands around his coffee cup. “Here at the hospital. And it’s in Parker’s name. I just—I don’t want anyone else to have to go through what he did. And since I’m in the club, live at the clubhouse, I don’t really have a lot of living expenses.” He huffed a laugh. “So I figured I might as well funnel my extra money into a good cause.”
“A charity?” I said, eyes widening. “You put all your money into a cancer charity?”
“Well, where else am I gonna put it?” Joker asked, but he was obviously a little embarrassed.
“I don’t know,” I said with a disbelieving grin. “Your bike? A second bike? A crazy elaborate gaming setup? Booze? People find all sorts of stuff to spend their money on. But you put yours in a charity.”
“You say that like it’s crazy,” Joker said, rubbing his hand at the back of his neck again, the way he did when he was feeling shy or unsure.
I was beginning to catalog all his tics that revealed his real feelings. And I was beginning to really like being able to read his body language like this. There was so much more to him than met the eye, and the more I discovered, the harder I fell for him—the more I wanted to learn even more.
And that’s what it was, really. I was falling for him. Hard and fast.
Dawson was going to lose his shit.
“It’s not crazy,” I said. I reached over the table and wrapped my hand around his wrist, tugging it away from the coffee cup so I could lace our fingers together. “It’s amazing. Another fucking amazing surprise from you.”
Joker bit back a smile, but he didn’t pull his hand away. If anything, he squeezed my fingers a little tighter.
“Wish my folks thought the same,” Joker muttered. “They didn’t seem interested in the charity the one time I’d mentioned it to them.”
“You want to be adopted by my parents?” I asked, half-joking. “As soon as I tell them about this charity, they’ll be asking me how to donate. I swear.”
“You talk to your parents about me?” Joker glanced up, his brow knitted together.
“Sure,” I said. “We’re pretty close—I talk to them about most things. I’m telling you, they’ll fawn over you once they meet you.”
It was true, but I also wanted Joker to know that this wasn’t something he should feel like he needed