if I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought there was a flush spreading across his cheeks. He’d just gotten off his bike though, and it was a little chilly outside—surely that was the reason.
“Once you mess around with these tools a bit, it’ll come instinctively. It’s not that different from what you’ve been doing.”
We were both kneeling over the open drawer of the toolbox.
“You think?” Joker asked.
“I know so,” I said. We both turned toward each other, just a breath apart as our hands met over the chisels.
All I’d have to do was lean forward. And from the way Joker’s tongue darted out again—the same enticing way it had in the backyard—he was thinking the same thing.
I ran my thumb over his wrist. The same way I had in the bathroom when I patched him up. His pulse fluttered under my thumb.
It’d be so easy to kiss him—but I didn’t want to just jump blindly into things. I was too old for that. I wanted to know what Joker wanted, and I didn’t want an impulsive kiss—or more—to ruin our working relationship. So I wrestled my desire under control and pulled back, just a little.
Joker’s expression fell. He moved to stand up, but I kept my hand wrapped around his wrist. “Where are you going?”
Joker winced. “Come on.”
“What?” I asked. We were right on the brink of something. Teetering on some precipice. “Joker, don’t you think—”
“Stop,” Joker said. “There’s nothin’ to talk about. We’re coworkers, nothing’s going to happen.”
“Is that what you want?” I asked tentatively.
“Why do you care?” Joker asked, bristling again.
I sighed and hauled myself to my feet, with my hand still wrapped around his wrist. I tugged him toward the workbench, and we both leaned against it, side by side, shoulders pressed together. Joker went willingly, but stiffly.
“I care because I want us to be on the same page,” I said. “I don’t want to stumble around guessing like a teenager.”
Joker flushed. “I ain’t acting like a teenager.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.” I knocked my shoulder against his. “How do you feel about… about this?” I took a breath. I’d just ask him outright. Better to get it out in the open, clear the air, than muddle around any longer. “I mean… about me?”
“Don’t waste your time,” Joker muttered. “A guy like you and a guy like me?” He sucked his teeth, then rolled his eyes, like the concept of us two together was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard.
Did he think I was too good for him?
“What? What does that mean?” I gestured at him. “You’re hot as fuck, talented—”
“So it’s my personality that’s the dealbreaker,” Joker said, staring at his feet.
“Well, you can be a little abrasive sometimes,” I admitted. “And it did put me off at the start, but you’re not always like that. It doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker at all. Just—what’s the deal with that?”
“Hm,” Joker said dismissively. “It’s like people’s moods change or something.”
I sighed and pushed off the workbench. I really did want to have this conversation with Joker, but I wasn’t going to force it. If he wanted to blow me off, that was fine. I’d made it clear I wasn’t going to move forward with whatever was brewing between us until we had a conversation about it. And if he didn’t want to do that, that was fine. I’d survive. I wasn’t going to beg for the bare minimum.
But if he changed his mind, I’d be there.
“So that’s basically the shop,” I said. Back to business. “I can show you some of the other tools, but I think the hand tools are all you’ll need, at least until the sanding stage.”
Joker cleared his throat. “Right.”
“So,” I said. God, it was right back to tense and awkward between us. I already hated it. But I wasn’t going to let my own frustration fuck up this contract.
“So,” Joker echoed.
“The next thing we’ll need to do is figure out where to get the lumber.”
We fell back into business mode, setting up a time for me to come by and look at some of the trees Joker had in mind. But there was a stiffness to the conversation, and Joker often seemed on the brink of saying something, but each time would change his mind at the last second.
The ball was in his court. Until he wanted to talk to me, I was content to only be coworkers.
Well, maybe not content. But I could tolerate it.
9
Joker
I walked