I should be able to do on my own, and asking for help didn’t come naturally to me. Really, I generally avoided it whenever possible.
But maybe the kids were right about this particular instance. With Jonah’s help, I’d feel a little more confident that I wasn’t going to fuck up the sign from the start, at least.
“I know,” she said. “Plus, you always said the club’s about helping each other.”
I pressed my lips together. She was right about that, too. The club was about helping each other. And I’d do anything for my brothers. I just… I didn’t want to ask for that help myself. I didn’t need it. Not really. What if Jonah felt like I was just wasting his time, being needy?
“Well, you’re part of my club, too,” I said, deflecting. “So I want your help.”
“That’s stupid,” Heather said. “He’s a professional. We’re just kids.”
“Smart kids,” I said.
Heather sighed dramatically and nudged Anna with her elbow. “He’s so annoying.”
“What are you gonna do for the design?” Devon asked. He was a little tired today, having just gone through another round of chemotherapy, but he was still watching me attentively. He was a budding artist, too, and wanted badly to whittle like I did—but he wasn’t allowed to mess with knives. Instead, he liked to sculpt clay, when he was feeling up to it.
“Well, it’s gotta have the logo,” I said. “And it’s gotta be big. And I’ve never worked on anything this big. I’m a little intimidated.”
“That’s why you need to ask Jonah for help,” Heather sighed. “Stop being such a martyr.”
“Where’d you learn that word?” I asked with a tilt of my head.
“Promise me you’ll ask him,” Heather insisted.
“She’s right,” Patrick said. “I bet Jonah will draw something really cool.”
“Even so, I’ll still need your help,” I said. “With all the math stuff.”
“Aw, it won’t be that hard,” Anna said. “I’ll help you with it!”
“Knew I could count on you,” I said. The kids knew I wasn’t too good with reading or numbers—I’d had to confess that early in my tenure as a volunteer, when they’d wanted me to read to them, and I’d had to admit I couldn’t.
To my surprise, though, they hadn’t minded one bit. Heather, being the oldest, had simply insisted that I sit with the other kids while she read the book. And now she’d taken it upon herself to try and teach me, too. I wasn’t a great student, but I always paid attention when she chose a book and read it to me, too.
And Anna was a math whiz. No doubt she’d be able to calculate the dimensions I’d been agonizing over in a flash.
God, these kids were so cool. And special. Sometimes I thought about bringing some of the other guys from the club around, but then I thought about all the questions I’d get, and I’d have to tell them about Parker, and I just—couldn’t. Not yet. But the kids would love them, and I had a feeling the guys would love them just as much. It was so easy to picture Brennan here with them, too.
I blinked. Why had that jumped to my mind so clearly? I’d been doing this volunteering alone for the entirety of the four years since Parker’s death. It was private. But now, sitting with the four of them, I imagined Brennan at my side, laughing with Patrick, attentively listening to Anna. They’d like him. And I had the sense he’d be good with them—he was a good listener, and he wouldn’t try to steamroll over the kids, cooing at them and pitying them like some adults did. He’d treat them with respect.
The same way he treated me.
“Come on,” Heather said with a huff, pulling me out of my thoughts. “I want to keep reading Lord of the Rings.”
“The sooner we finish, the sooner we can watch the movie!” Devon agreed.
Then they were distracted catching up on where we left off in the second novel. Watching them chatter amongst each other, I felt tears prick behind my eyes and blinked hard to ensure they didn’t fall. I was the one who was supposed to be helping them—supporting them and lifting their spirits as they battled the disease that had taken Parker so young. And yet I often felt like they were the ones supporting me instead. They were facing so much, and still had compassion to want to help me, too.
I wanted Brennan to meet them. And part of me wanted my brothers-in-arms to