are.” She rubs my back. “It’s apparent in your face, your eyes, and the way you carry yourself. You’re strong and you’re armed with the right tools to let yourself overcome anything now. You’ve got this, Mandy.”
“But what if I don’t?”
“Stop doubting yourself,” she chastises. “But if you don’t, you come back here for a refresher. It’s not the end of the world, but I have no concerns about you.”
Knowing someone trusts me and has my back is the most freeing feeling I’ve had in years. It’s not that I worry my family doesn’t trust me, but I’ve really shit on that trust. Especially with my husband and son.
This is a fresh start for all of us, and I’m anxious for it to start. To prove to them I’m a different person than the one who walked through the doors of this facility. I wave goodbye to Dr. Crawford and slowly walk to my room.
When I get to the doorway, I look around.
There’s not much here, but it’s been my home and refuge for the last couple of months as I’ve gotten everything situated within my head. I’m going to miss it. It’s no frills, simple-living at its best. Maybe that’s what I needed, and maybe I’ll gravitate toward that the rest of my life.
But first I have to pack my things up and get out of here.
Integrate back into the life I left behind.
I sound like a prisoner returning to their family, but in a way I was. A prisoner to my own mind and the depressive thoughts that swirled around. Now I’m free to allow all the good stuff in, things the bad thoughts pushed out and held down.
Slowly I walk across the floor, to the dresser, grinning up at the letters I’ve gotten from Dalton and Walker. Carefully, I take them down from the mirror, folding them up to store them away.
Right here and now I decide I’ll be putting them in a place of prominence when I get home. No longer can my feelings nor that of my boys be hidden away.
The truth, even if it’s ugly, is the way we’re going to live our lives from now on. There’s beauty in pain, and if I can come to that realization, anyone can.
As I’m packing, the other members I’ve been in groups with come by and say goodbye. I didn’t really make friends, but that’s not what this process is about. The process was more about me learning to be comfortable with myself, and thank God I passed it with flying colors.
There’s a light knock at my door, and when I glance up, I see Dakota standing there.
“I wanted to say goodbye.” He stumbles slightly over his words. “I know I’m still pretty new here, but it seemed like the right thing to do.”
He reminds me so much of Dalton when I first met him.
“Thanks.” I sit down on the bed, facing where he’s standing. “So I don’t want to make any presumptions about you, but I get the feeling I kind of know where you’re from. You know who my family is. If you get out of here and need a place to go, come to Bowling Green.”
Surprise widens his eyes.
“Wow.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Can’t say I expected that.”
For the first time, he exposes the side of his face, and I see why he constantly keeps it hidden. There’s a large scar, looks like it’s brand new, and probably what he got when he wrecked his bike and had to come in for treatment.
“We help out as many as we can. My sister-in-law is an attorney, and one of my best friends runs CRISIS house. I’m extending that help to you, if you need it.”
“Thank you, I don’t know where I’ll be going after here.”
“I don’t think any of us do.” I remind him we’re all in the same situation. “But if you need a safe place to land, I can give you that. Whether you stay or not is up to you.”
He nods, before waving and walking away.
With that off my conscience, I go about packing the clothes I brought here with me and the notebooks I’ve gotten since I came. There’s more going than what I came with on every level. Both physically and mentally, but I’ll remember this time in my life with a fondness I wasn’t sure I’d have when I walked through the doors. This will always be remembered as the place that gave me my