on it. Like I tell you to leave, I want you to love me enough to stay.”
His dark eyes fire with pain, and to know I caused it, makes my chest clench, but we’ve got to get through this. We’ve got to know how each other works from the inside out, if this is never going to happen again.
When he speaks this time, his voice is wrecked, ravaged with pain. “I do love you enough to stay. I wanted to stay, I wanted to fight for our life together, but I also wanted to respect your wishes.”
“I know that now.” I run my thumb over his knuckles. “But it took a lot to get there. I’m constantly sabotaging my relationships because I want people to prove to me they want to be there for me, and that’s not healthy. I should take what they give me at face value and not allow my own insecurities to override what’s really going on. It hasn’t been easy.” I stop for a second and lick my lips. “It hasn’t been easy to look at myself in this way, to realize I’ve caused most of the shit that’s gone down in my life.”
“I wouldn’t say most, Mandy. I’m guilty of it too.”
“We both are, but we’re both guilty of hiding shit from each other to save the other person. That’s got to stop.”
He nods. “You’re right, we do things in the name of good intentions, but it gets all fucked up and we’re back where we started, pissed at one another.”
“Right, so we need to have a mutual spot where we can go to talk. We can call each other there and be honest with each other in that spot. Like I called you here, to this table, so we could have a conversation. When I get out of here, we have to continue having these talks. This won’t go away overnight.”
“I’m willing to work for as long as I have to, nothing worth it is ever easy.”
All the pressure I’ve felt for what seems like years is lifted, and I can breathe again. Dalton’s agreed to my terms, and I’m beyond excited to start living the life we should have lived years ago. Smiling, I reach over, cupping his scratchy cheek in the palm of my hand.
“I’m doing really well in here, and they said I might be able to leave early.”
“How early?” He turns into my palm, dropping a kiss right there.
“Like maybe next week. The medication they have me on is working, and I’m doing the program like I should. Doesn’t mean I won’t have to come and meet with Dr. Crawford a few times a week, but I think I’m ready for it.”
“Are you sure?”
Judging by the disbelief in his voice, he’s a little scared of letting me out into the open. I’ve gotta admit, I’m scared too, but I want to be with my family. My life is passing me by, has been passing me by while I waited for people to understand things about me when I didn’t understand myself. I have relationships to repair, and a life to live. The sooner I can get to it, the better.
“I’m sure.”
He gazes at me, squinting, really looking at me like he hasn’t in years. “You know what?” He grins. “I think you are, I think you’re more ready than you’ve been in months.”
“Scratch that.” I grin back at him. “Probably years. I should’ve done something like this years ago, but I got here now, and that’s all that matters.”
His face gets all kinds of serious and for a moment I’m scared of what this look may bring to us.
“You know if you ever feel like you need to come back, you can do that too?”
God, this man. My heart threatens to beat out of my chest. I’m not sure what I did to deserve him, but I hope I do it a thousand times over. “I know, now I know, and I’m strong too. I’ve set limits. More than anything…” I get up and come around to sit next to him. He puts his arm around me and I snuggle up into his side. “I’ve never known who Mandy really is, but with all this work, I’m starting to know her.”
“I know who she is,” he says softly as he turns so that we’re staring at one another. Reaching under my chin, he tilts my head back, coming in for a kiss I didn’t even realize I needed. It’s