to figure out who you are after the path your dad told you to take didn’t work for you?”
“That’s a failure on my part, not his.”
I groaned.
Kelly laughed bitterly, cuddling closer to me. “I know. It’s stupid. But that’s how we were all raised. In their eyes, being the sibling who needed the house just shows how much I’ve wasted my life.”
“Jesus.” I turned a little, craning my neck so I could see him. “You know that’s bullshit, right? That you’re not a failure?”
He lifted himself up and met my gaze. “I’m not exactly successful either.”
“You’re thirty-two.” I stroked the edge of his jaw with the backs of my fingers. “Honest to God, you’ve got time.”
He studied me. “When did you decide you wanted to be an artist? Professionally, I mean?”
“About halfway through an exam in a business class my sophomore year in college.”
Kelly’s eyes widened. “Seriously? You remember the exact moment?”
Chuckling, I nodded. “I mean, I’d been leaning that way for a while. My parents encouraged me to get a degree in business since that meant I could get a job anywhere. But it basically made my eyes bleed, and I just remember sitting for this exam and thinking, ‘what the fuck am I doing?’ I called my parents that night and said I wanted to go to art school instead.”
He cringed. “What did they say?”
“They said I’d have to look into some financial aid, since they’d already paid for a year and some change of college and didn’t think they could foot the entire bill for art school.”
“But they…” He cocked his head. “They supported you?”
“Oh yeah. I’d always struggled in school. Always. But I always did well in art. And when I talked to them that night, I was armed with all kinds of potential career paths, so it wasn’t like I was saying ‘fuck it, I just want to doodle for a few years and then wait tables for the rest of my life.’ They knew I was serious about making a career out of it.” I laughed softly. “My dad even told me years later they should’ve just sent me to art school right from the start. Of course, by then we knew I had ADHD, and maybe knowing that would’ve helped when I was in school, but…” I half-shrugged. “What can you do at that point?”
“Oh. Huh.” He met my eyes. “ADHD? Really?”
I nodded, pretending not to notice the rush of heat to my face. I’d long since made peace with the diagnosis, and just understanding it had made my life a million times easier, but there was a part of me that would always be somewhat embarrassed by it. Such was the reality of being diagnosed with something everyone thought was a punchline. “Aaron’s the one who figured it out, actually.”
“Yeah?”
“Mmhmm. He had a classmate in law school who went off his meds during the summer, and Aaron noticed that I did a lot of things the classmate did when he wasn’t medicated.”
“Such as?”
I thought about it. “For one, I have a really hard time focusing on something if I’m not interested in it, and an even harder time pulling my focus away from something I am interested in. And you remember a few years ago when fidget spinners were all the rage?”
Kelly nodded.
I slid my hand behind my head on the pillow. “I have like ten of those things.”
“Really?”
“Yep. If I’m stuck on a conference call or something, or if I’m waiting for something to render, I’ll use one. Or a stress ball. Just…” I held up my other hand and flexed and straightened my fingers. “Something to keep my hands busy. And those spinners are a lot quieter than pencil-tapping.”
“Oh. Huh. I’d never thought of that. I just thought they were a toy, but…”
“Yeah, most people do. Which makes it kind of a nightmare when I want to use one outside of my home office, but I try to ignore people.” I laughed dryly. “I actually keep a few in a box in my classroom at the university.”
“You do?”
“Mmhmm. Because now that I know how my own ADHD works, I can see it in other people sometimes.” I shrugged. “So if someone seems twitchy in a familiar way, I’ll offer them one.”
“Do they use them?”
“Some do. Some are self-conscious about it, and some think like everyone else does that they’re just toys for restless kids. If they see me using one, a lot of times they’ll give it a try, and