fair to him that he could bring in another sub for a scene or two if I couldn’t submit to another Dom. But I mean, he clearly wasn’t enjoying it. Like, at all. I get off on watching him top other subs, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Will has literal nightmares about me with other Doms.”
“Oh. Huh. But it’s different with me?”
Aaron nodded. “Even he’ll tell you it might not be quite rational, but letting a Dom do the things he tells you to do makes him nervous. With another sub, he feels more in control.”
I thought about it. “I guess that makes sense. I’m submitting to him and doing what he tells me to do or what he lets me do. Another Dom…”
“Exactly.” He shrugged again. “So I made the decision—we could play with other subs, but I wasn’t subbing for anyone else. And we’ve both been a lot happier since then.”
“Did he have other subs before you?”
“Not regular ones, no. He’s almost five years younger than me, and he was barely old enough to drink when we met. The only serious boyfriend he’d had before me was this utter douchebag whose only redeeming feature was that he introduced Will to kink. Except he tried to make Will a sub, and Will is absolutely not wired to submit to anyone.” Aaron exhaled. “The problem is that the asshole was also Will’s first exposure to a Dom. It made him an incredibly conscientious Dom, but also a wary one. He knows firsthand what an irresponsible Dom can do, and letting another Dom take over with me gives him some hardcore anxiety.”
“I guess… I mean, I guess I thought it was a territorial thing, like no one can top you except for him.”
“No, no.” Aaron shook his head. “If I asked, he’d let me sub for someone else in a heartbeat. He just wouldn’t enjoy it. He’d pretend it didn’t bother him, and he’d try to grit his teeth through it for me, but this is supposed to be fun for both of us, so I don’t do it. It doesn’t matter that he can’t completely articulate why it bothers him—he doesn’t like it, I don’t ask him to do it.”
“That makes sense.”
“I’m sure there are people who think it’s unfair, but…” He shrugged. “It works for us.”
“That’s all that matters.” I grinned. “Plus it meant you had a reason to go looking for a submissive sadist, so…”
Aaron returned the grin, and he leaned in for a light kiss. “Really worked out for all of us, didn’t it?”
“It so did.” I turned onto my side and propped myself up on my elbow, mirroring him. “So have you guys always done pain? Or did you work up to that?”
“Pretty much from the start.” Aaron slid a little closer and rested his hand on my waist. “It was just last year that I realized I needed more than I can ask him to give.” He grimaced. “God bless the man, he’s tried. He really has.” Aaron pushed out a long breath. “And we both thought he’d find his stride over time, but then he hit a wall and we realized it had to be a hard limit for him. I couldn’t ask him to go beyond it, and even if I did, I don’t think he could go beyond it.”
I cocked my head. “What happened? I mean, when he hit that limit?”
Aaron grimaced as if the memory was physically painful. “He just… He stopped in the middle of it and broke down.”
I blinked. “Really?”
“Yep. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen him cry or the first time he’d used a safe word, but it was the first time both happened at the same time.”
“Wow. It bothered him that much?”
“Oh yeah. He told me afterward that it had been bothering him for a while, but he knew I needed it, so he’d tried to push through. But he just couldn’t do it, and oh my God, I felt awful for pushing him that far. We backed off on the pain play after that, and we dialed it back to what was comfortable for him, but there are some nights I just really need more.”
“So that’s where I come in.”
Holding my gaze, Aaron smiled. “Yep. Didn’t think we’d find you, to be honest. Will insisted there were subs out there who were also sadists, but what were the odds of finding one in this place?” He chuckled. “Honestly we even considered going back to