“Yeah. I’m… I’m good.” He looked at me through his lashes, and from the way his eyes darted away, he’d read the skepticism on my face.
I glanced at Aaron. He was dozing now, back rising and falling steadily with slow, deep breaths. The room was warm, so he didn’t need covers, and they’d be uncomfortable right now anyway. I’d still check on him before I went to sleep myself, but he was okay for now.
To Kelly, I said, “Hey. Come over here.” I turned onto my back and patted the edge of the bed.
He hesitated, but then he got up and put the lotion on nightstand table. Without a word, he came around the bed, and he joined me. He was a little tentative, staying closer to the edge of the bed than he was to me, but when I curled against him, he started to relax.
Draping my arm over him, I kissed the side of his neck. “Talk to me. What’s on your mind?”
He sighed, sinking against me.
I was glad his back was to me so he couldn’t see me wince. I hated being right sometimes.
Silently, I just held him close to me and waited for him to speak. It was up to him whether he shared the specifics with me—I fully respected his privacy—but I hoped he’d tell me enough to at least understand his state of mind. If we were going to play together, especially if the pain play was going to keep steadily increasing, then I needed to know he was in a good space.
A few minutes went by before Kelly finally spoke again. “God. I’m sorry.” He deflated a little more. “You guys brought me in to help you with something, and now it’s like every five minutes, I’m the one with a crisis.”
“Kelly.” I laced our fingers together and brought our joined hands up to his chest. “Don’t apologize. We know you’re going through a lot.”
He pushed out a breath. “I know. But this isn’t what you guys signed up for, you know?”
“You think Aaron signed up for my ADHD?”
Kelly twisted around a little to look at me.
“He knew that was part of the deal if he stayed with me, just like his student loan debt from law school was part of the deal if I stayed with him. I’d love to have a cat, but he’s allergic to them. He loves things like scented candles, but he can’t have them here because they give me headaches.” I squeezed his shoulder. “We’re all package deals, Kelly, and that includes you.”
He swallowed. Then he shifted, and I moved over so he could lie on his back. “Except I’m just here for…you know…” He blushed. I didn’t think he was embarrassed to say the words out loud. More like he was uncomfortable admitting what he thought he was to us.
I caressed his cheek. “You’re not a sex toy.”
“But I’m not… I mean, you guys are married. We’re basically friends with benefits.”
“You’re still human, though. We still care about you.” I trailed my fingers down the side of his neck. “Everyone has shit going on. It’s life. It’s okay. We’re not going to invite you in, expect this level of trust and intimacy, and then tell you you’re on your own when something is bothering you. Even if it isn’t something that might make it hard for you to focus, or not want to play at all.” I leaned in and kissed him softly. “I mean it—you’re not a sex toy. You’re our friend with benefits, and we take the ‘friend’ part as seriously as the benefits.”
Kelly chewed his lip. “Really?”
“Yeah.” I inclined my head a little. “So what’s on your mind?”
He closed his eyes and rubbed them. Then he dropped his hand to his chest and stared up at the ceiling. “My brother was in town over the weekend. Helping me deal with the house.”’
“Right. You mentioned that. Didn’t go well?”
“It…” Kelly pursed his lips. “I mean, it could’ve been worse. It was just kind of cold, I guess? He resents the shit out of me for inheriting the house, and he’s like my dad—nothing I do is ever good enough.” He finally looked at me. “And I guess having him there just made me feel incredibly alone in my own house. Especially since it doesn’t even feel like it’s my own house.”
“Jesus.” I took his hand and kissed it softly. “I’m sorry.”
“It sucks. And I…” Some renewed color bloomed in his cheeks as he broke