As tightly as he’d let her.
Josh’s body remained rigid as she pressed herself against him. Resistant to her comfort.
But then he finally exhaled a long, shaky breath and sagged toward her. His arms constricted around her as his head dropped forward.
Stroking his hair, she pressed her lips to his temple. “I can see why you didn’t want to show me before. I wish I’d never seen it.”
“I needed you to understand. My last semester of college was a living nightmare. Then I came back here, hoping to get away from it. Only it was just as bad, because the internet is everywhere. Everyone in town had seen it—or at least heard about it.”
As he spoke, she ran her hand over his back, trying to caress away some of the tension knotting his muscles. Hurting for him so much it felt like she’d been stabbed.
“The thing about small towns is they’re short on entertainment.” He spoke quietly, his forehead pressed against her neck. Leaning on her. “People talk about the same shit over and over again for years, because they’ve got nothing better to do. Nothing else to talk about. Even though most decent people were too polite to say anything to my face, I couldn’t look them in the eye anymore knowing they were talking about me behind my back and thinking about that video every single time they saw me.”
He lifted his head and fixed her with an anguished look that begged for her understanding.
“Imagine knowing your kindergarten teacher and your dentist and the waitress at your favorite restaurant had all seen a video of you like that one. Maybe even the other one. The uncensored one.”
Mia couldn’t bear to imagine it. It would be unspeakable.
Josh’s face was close to hers, so pained and so dear. She touched her hand to it. Leaned up to kiss his cheek.
His eyes fell closed and he blew out a long breath. “And of course all the assholes I went to high school with, like those guys at the bar, can’t keep their goddamn mouths shut. They think it’s so fucking hilarious that they can’t ever let me live it down.”
He was vibrating with anger. She could feel his body trembling with it. She was shaking with anger too, on his behalf, now that she understood exactly what they’d been mocking him for.
But then he seemed to take hold of himself. Straightened his spine. Unclenched his jaw. Bent his head to kiss her forehead. “Most of the time it’s easier to stay home than take a chance that I’m going to have to deal with their shit.”
It was hard for Mia to understand why he’d stayed in Crowder given all that. Wouldn’t he have been happier someplace he was a stranger? Somewhere he had a better chance of blending in, unnoticed?
But she supposed there wasn’t really anywhere he could go to escape his notoriety once the video had gone viral. He would always run the risk of being recognized anywhere the internet reached.
And the farm was here. His family farm that he’d said was his calling. The only thing he’d ever wanted to do. He couldn’t just pick it up and move it. So he’d stuck it out here, doing the work he wanted to do, and hiding from everything else.
No wonder he hadn’t been able to call himself happy.
Josh lifted his head, his gaze steady as it met hers. Most of the pain tucked neatly away. “So I hope you can understand now why I feel the way I do. Why I don’t ever just go out for a beer or to grab a coffee. Why I’d rather not eat out at a restaurant with you. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself, because I’d be worried the whole time that someone was going to act like an ass.”
“Of course I understand.” How could she not? She’d seen the ruthlessness with which the guy at the bar had taunted him, callously cheered on by his friends. Who would want to deal with that when you could simply avoid it?
Josh appeared to absorb her words with relief, a little more of his tension draining away. “But all the same, if it’s important to you—”
“It’s not,” Mia said firmly.
“If it’s important to you,” he repeated, cocking an admonishing eyebrow at her, “I’ll go. We can do whatever you want.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to. Forget I ever suggested it.”
“I meant it when I said I’d think of something else special for