needed help, it wouldn’t take.
“No.” She shook her head even though he couldn’t see her. “I want you to get help, but you need to do it for yourself, not for me.”
“So that’s it. Just like that. We’re over.”
“Yes.”
“Don’t do this.”
“I’m doing it for both of us. It’s better this way. We need to end this now before it goes too far and one of us falls in love.”
The laugh he let out was harsh and hollow. “You really think that’s a possibility?”
His words shuddered through her like an icy blast. This was exactly why she had to do this. She couldn’t bear to go through this a second time. It hurt too much. And they’d already gotten through the hardest part. If they fell back into each other now, it would all be for nothing.
“I’m sorry,” she said, knowing he’d thank her eventually.
“Me too.” He hung up without another word.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Mia knew she’d done the right thing. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop her heart from aching every time she thought about Josh. It didn’t fill the cold hollow his absence had left behind. It wasn’t enough to stop her eyes from trying to tear up whenever they saw something that reminded her of him.
Which was everything.
Every inch of her apartment had been tainted by their first and final fight. Everywhere she looked she saw his face cracked apart by pain, or she heard the echo of his voice flinging accusations at her.
She was terrified of running into Birdie in the yard, so Mia took to sneaking in and out of her apartment like a nervous trespasser. When she drove through town, she was confronted by all the places she used to pick up takeout to share with Josh, or the Rusty Spoke where he’d risked so much just to see her, or the goddamn steakhouse where she’d let her dad insult him and the town he loved.
Even at work, where she ought to be safe, she was reminded of Josh every time she saw Antonio. And as she walked around campus, worried about bumping into Andie. Mia hadn’t heard from her since the breakup, which was just as well, since she lived in fear of Andie’s sisterly wrath. Even seeing Cody sit for his calculus final made Mia think of Wyatt, which made her think of Josh, which made her chest constrict as she fought the urge to cry.
She felt like she’d been pulled apart and put back together with some of the important pieces missing.
She hadn’t only lost Josh, she’d lost every friend she’d made here in Crowder. They were all tied to Josh somehow. All loyal to him. She was back to where she started—completely on her own. She told herself it was better that way. Letting people get close to her here was only setting herself up for heartbreak. She didn’t need anyone. She’d always been fine on her own.
At least it was finals week. She could distract herself with the stacks of exams she had to grade and the comforting monotony of calculating and inputting final grades. Then she could fly home and leave this place behind for a little while. Hopefully when she came back after Christmas, the pain wouldn’t be so fresh anymore and everything would be easier.
“Anything you want to add, Dr. Ballentine?” Madison’s question jerked Mia out of her self-pity fest.
She was sitting in on the STEM student group’s final planning meeting of the semester. As soon as they came back from break, they’d be launching their recruitment drive in advance of their first general meeting at the end of January.
Mia forced a half-hearted smile. “No, it sounds like y’all have thought of everything.”
“You just said ‘y’all’!” Madison pointed a triumphant finger at her. “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say it.”
“Is it?” Mia flushed. “It’s a very useful word.”
“You’re one of us now,” Antonio said with an approving nod.
Mia’s heart squeezed, but she didn’t say anything. It was too difficult to explain to her students why that wasn’t true. A year from now, she’d not only be gone from their lives, but they’d probably have forgotten she was ever there.
She doubted she’d be able to forget them so easily, however. This group of determined undergrads had wormed their way into her heart in a single semester.
When the meeting let out she shouldered her bulging messenger bag, which was stuffed with all the exams she planned to spend the weekend grading, and made a beeline for the door. But before