me who my father was? Why was she killed? She didn’t deserve to die.
I yank the photo down and it comes off easily. It’s not in a frame. None of them are, but it doesn’t take away the sense of family resonating from them.
I slam the photo down on the desk. It mocks me. It mocks me with truths I don’t know. Lies I was probably told. And why? What good can it bring but betrayal and secrets?
My nostrils flare. “Are you my father?”
He runs a hand through his hair and stands up straight. “I haven’t been your dad since you were five years old, Roamyn.”
My throat closes up. I swallow hard. “I never knew it was you.”
“Figured as much. How is that?” He looks at me, confused. Eyebrows drawing in and I consider not telling him. I’m not the one who owes any explanations here. And father or not we’re still on opposite sides of the law. I rub my chin, mulling it over. If I want him to honest with me, he’s going to want me to be honest with him.
Curiosity transpires through the both of us.
“Repressed memory. The trauma of what happened…” I trail off. The memories of that night surface hard and fast, but I do my best to dodge them. I block them out. I don’t let weakness show. “Doctors said I unconsciously blocked out periods of time from before, during, and after my mother’s murder.”
His eyes soften at the mention of my mom. It’s barely for a second but I catch it. He cares, or at least he did. The life he’s lived. I wouldn’t want to feel anything if I were him either.
“Just tell me why?” I deadpan.
He moves around behind his desk and gestures to the old leather seat opposite him. “You might want to sit down for this.”
“I’m fine,” I reply, tone sharp. I just want to know. I need to. I need the missing pieces to the puzzle. Maybe then I can find some sort of peace.
Cannon coughs. “What do you want to know, son?”
I ignore the burn that follows from his endearment. “Everything. Start from the beginning.”
He slinks back into his chair and his mind wanders off. His gaze unfocused. “The day I met your mom was the best and worst day of my life.”
Pain tightens in my chest.
“It was the best because I’d found the only woman I’d ever love. I didn’t need time to make it true. I didn’t need commitment to make it real. But it was also the worst because I’d found the only woman I’d ever love. I’d taken over as president of the club a few months before I met her. I’d stirred up trouble with alliances. I made enemies. Not because I wanted to, but because as president I had a duty to protect my men and that’s what I was doing. But it didn’t make me any friends outside of these walls. The months kept going by and shit wasn’t settling down. I didn’t want your mom to get caught up in our mess and to get hurt. So I pushed her away. But your mom was stubborn. Strong willed, and for some reason I couldn’t understand she loved me. Even though she deserved a fuck of a lot more than what I could give her. She was smart. She worked out what I was doing. It didn’t work. So I cheated on her. Hurt her real bad but it made her leave. Regretted doing that every day since it happened.”
My blood boils.
“I couldn’t let her get hurt, Roamyn. I loved her more than life. I loved her more than my club. More than I loved myself. A life without her, knowing she was safe was a life I could live. Living knowing I got her hurt or worst got her killed, it wasn’t something I could deal with. A few months after that happened she came to me and told me she was pregnant. Not that she needed to say it because I could see it for myself. I was so fuckin’ happy. And I knew then what I had to do. For Catherine. For our baby. We kept it quiet and she stayed away from the club. We never got back together. Whether she liked it or not, we both knew for her and the baby’s sake the safest thing to do was to keep it a secret that I was the father. So that’s what we did. I