face of the man who killed her. When I described him to Grandma, she made me promise not to tell anyone because if we did, it would put our lives in danger. Then a few months after hitting nineteen grandma was diagnosed with cancer. She only had a short time left because they caught it so late. Do you know what the last thing she said to me before she died was?”
My hand comes to rest at the base of my throat and I shake my head, unable to verbalize any words.
He continues to glance into space, as if he isn’t in the room but lost somewhere in the memories of his past. “Make him pay, she said. So I got on a plane and came back home to New York. I got myself set up and joined the police academy because, so help me God, I was going to find the man who took my mom from me. And I did. I did some digging into my mom’s case and it didn’t take long to find out who was behind her murder but I had no way of proving it.”
My mouth flattens into a hard line while my heart weeps for the little boy who had witnessed something so terrifying. Repressed memory would have to be a blessing and a curse. What I wouldn’t do to wipe the image of my mother dead, hanging off the side of her bed from my mind. I’d walked in from school one afternoon, excited to tell her about something that had happened and she’d overdosed. There she was, cold and lifeless which wasn’t really that much different to her all the time anyway.
“I’m so sorry, Roamyn. Losing a parent is indescribable, no matter the circumstance.”
And it was. I hated my mother for the life she burdened us with. Lindsey and I deserved better, but she was still the woman who gave me life, who I wanted to love me.
Roamyn shakes his head. “Ali. I’m not telling you because I want your sympathy. I’m telling you because the man who murdered my mother in cold blood was Giuseppe Marino.”
My mouth falls open. Coldness surrounds my body. Hearing his name sends a tremor of fear trickling down my spine. “What? Why?”
His lip curls. “He killed her for retaliation. It’s the only thing I can remember from my memories. But I don’t have a fucking clue what for. But that’s why I’ve always been hell-bent on taking him down. I couldn’t let them get away again, Ali. I never wanted you to get dragged down too. But it was the only way to put them away and for you to get out and clean. I couldn’t see another way out with a positive ending,” he rambles, his voice cracking with guilt.
I put my hands on his shoulders and seek out his eyes. “It’s okay. I forgive you.”
“No, it’s not. You’re still facing charges.”
I nod. “I know. But Roam, I chose to stay. I’m guilty of a lot of things. I could have let you help me years ago, and every day I could have gone to Lindsey and told her the truth. That’s on me, not you. Yes, I hate what happened. I won’t sit here and lie to you and act like I wasn’t mad and I’m not hurt or scared. I was, and I’m still scared to death about Lucio or Giuseppe coming after me. I thought you took away the only thing I had control over, but the truth is the Oxy was controlling me just as much as everyone else was. I couldn’t see it before. I do now because for the first time since I was fifteen I actually have a clear head. I get why you did it, Roamyn. I can’t begin to imagine what it was like, seeing your mom like that. But I have experienced losing a parent in a horrible way and I know the feeling of wanting retribution. I don’t blame you. And if you’re questioning if I believe you care about me, I know you do. You wouldn’t have done this if you didn’t…” I gesture to the room, “…you could have just let them send me to prison.”
He turns to me, muscles tight, jaw firm. “I’ll always protect you. Been looking out for you for years, babe. Not gonna stop now.”
My tummy flutters. My body tingles, always for this man. For his protectiveness, bossiness, everything that makes him this beautiful, caring soul hidden