it. But for the first time ever, I hadn’t lost it in myself. And that wave of belief was the only thing I needed right now to keep my head above the water.
The morning sun glows through the office and I sip on my coffee in silence. I relax back in my chair and soak up a moment that rarely ever occurs. I’m never the first one in, but I couldn’t sleep. My mind is as scattered and as messy as the paperwork covering my desk. All I could think about was walking away from Ali three nights ago and everything I’d said. It haunted my sleep until I got out of bed and drove to work early for a distraction.
Within five minutes the office doors open and Elias and Cassidy wander in bickering as per fucking usual, about something of absolutely no importance. I roll my eyes as they take no notice of me and move toward their desks.
Cassidy double takes when she finally sees me. She stops, narrowing her eyes before pointing at me. “I’m confused. Are you actually here right now or did I get knocked about too hard last night and am now seeing things that aren’t real?” She looks back at the clock above the double doors to the office. “It’s seven thirty. Are you okay? Are you sick?”
I grin at her sarcastic tone. “Ha-ha. I know what the time is.”
She puts her hands up in surrender. “Okay. Just checking.”
Elias and her both sit at their desks and Elias grills her about fighting. Again. Cassidy Kane aka, Cassidy Undefined, might be a detective by day, but she sure as hell isn’t at night. We only found out a few months ago she’s been training and fighting in MMA fights at an underground club in Manhattan. No idea why, but damn, the girl can kick any man’s ass. Mason walks in, texting on his phone with one hand, coffee in the other.
“Morning,” he mutters on the way in and all three of us give him a ‘hey’ back.
Stopping when he hears our voices he spins around, shooting each of us a glance before landing on me. “Is there a brief this morning that I forgot about? It’s only seven thirty.”
Cassidy and Elias burst out laughing and I smack my hands down on my desk. “Yes. It’s seven fuckin’ thirty and I’m at work. Not really the strangest thing to ever happen.”
Elias sits back, hands behind his head. “Actually, it kinda is.”
I flip him off as Cassidy’s question catches my attention.
“Hey boss, I meant to ask you, how’s Alison doing after the other night? Did you find out what happened?”
Mason dumps his phone and coffee on Cassidy’s desk, the closest desk to him and rubs a hand over his face. He grimaces at me before turning back to Cassidy and my insides plummet. “Yeah, we did. She never took anything, not knowingly. Drug test came back positive for Rohypnol. Some asshole drugged her, probably slipped something into her water.”
My blood runs cold, seizing up my veins with ice.
“She never took anything,” I mumble a truth I should have believed the moment she pleaded with agonizing eyes. From the haze she was drowning in, to the stumbling, it was a typical high Ali that had me frozen in a moment of disbelief. Disappointment kept me at a distance. But the helplessness chained my heart with steel and sent me running in the other direction. Did it make me a coward? To walk away from her because I couldn’t do it anymore? Because I couldn’t keep trying to save someone who didn’t want to be saved? Because after years of a pain in my chest that never quite goes away I’d had enough? It hurt. It fucking killed me every time to watch her walk out of Sweet Tarts from afar, with a certain sway in her step and twinkle in her eyes only the high of Oxycontin brings her.
I rake a hand through my hair. Fuck. What have I done?
Mason comes to stand by me and slaps a hand on my shoulder on the way to his office. “Sorry, man. But no she didn’t.”
Regret wastes no time pulling me under. I yank out my phone and dial her number. The call goes to voicemail and I call again. Her cheerfully fake voice sings through the phone and I cringe as her voicemail plays for me again.
“Hey. It’s me again. Mason told me about the drug test. I’m sorry,