only you.”
Emilio shuddered, and he thrust up, then he leaned in and kissed Jude as he came all over his chest. He groaned, almost like he was in pain, his body jerking, and the sheer force of it dragged Jude right to the edge. He gave a couple of thrusts, but before he could let himself go, Emilio slid down his legs, parted his lips, and swallowed him down.
It took two pumps of his hips before he was spilling, watching the way Emilio’s throat worked as he took it all in. Jude’s vision was foggy as Emilio licked him clean, and his body felt wrung out and twisted as he sank all the way back against the pillows and let the other man curl into him.
“That wasn’t what I planned at all.”
At that, Emilio laughed and dragged his thumb over the edge of Jude’s jaw. “Didn’t you just tell me we have all the time in the world?”
“I suppose I did,” Jude said from behind a sigh. He leaned in and closed his eyes, and only just realized that in the moments they were together, Emilio never said he loved him too.
Jude wasn’t the sort of man who demanded reciprocation of feelings. He wasn’t the sort of man that believed relationships couldn’t hold out if one person felt a little more strongly than the other. He couldn’t erase the sting of it as the week wore on, though. And while Emilio grew more affectionate, the words stayed absent. He knew it wasn’t the end of them, but there was a weight to everything that remained unsaid.
Everything else about their time together had been like a fantasy. He pulled the other man apart, only to put him back together, and then allowed himself to lie back and let Emilio give and receive everything he had left. He felt good and settled, and even though he knew that there was turmoil on the horizon with Hydra still missing in action and more and more rumors of him stirring up trouble hitting the Broken Chains’ network, he still felt like they were on the right path.
But the feeling carried with him Saturday morning when Eliah showed up to drive him to temple. He preferred Friday night services, but Eliah was bogged down with end of year obligations, and with Kicks out on club business, Jude took the time to himself to center and reflect and attempt to come to a decision about what he wanted to do with the rest of his life.
The shabbat should have given him plenty of time to do that, but he’d been tense through services and had only just barely managed polite conversation with the rabbi who was excited to have him there. “If you’re looking for a position,” the man had started, but Jude offered him a polite, firm shake of his head. He knew the man—Paul Goldberg. He’d been down in Port St. Lucie a few times and had even visited Jude’s synagogue.
It was only natural that the man try to find him a position, but the moment the question fell from his lips, Jude’s decision felt reaffirmed.
“I think I want to write a book,” he said, the words surprising even him, though it was something he’d been thinking about.
The rabbi looked a little surprised, but his mouth formed into a small grin. “That sounds fantastic. What about?”
Jude wasn’t sure yet, but he’d lived a lot of life, and he knew that there were others who were on a path similar to his own that still couldn’t reconcile what it meant to be a person of faith and of passion and of love and of rebellion. And even if he couldn’t give them advice, maybe he could give them something to relate to. He knew it would have mattered to him, especially when he was younger, and more lost, and more angry.
“I’m still working on it, but I’ll keep you posted,” he said.
They shook hands, then Jude made his way over to where Eliah was waiting for him. The sun always felt a little brighter, the air a little freer after services. He took a deep breath, then smiled at his brother. “Thanks for coming with me. I know you hate this.”
Eliah scoffed as he led the way down the sidewalk, and Jude realized they weren’t heading toward the car, but he didn’t question him. “I actually try to go once a month—if I can. I’m not…” He hesitated, then shrugged. “Just because I don’t necessarily